Breaking Barriers

[Yellowfin]

Something I realized recently is that we not only need the people exactly where we are at the time to support us, but also members of our family as well. Their vote counts just as much as yours or mine, and they talk a lot, know a lot of people and talk to them, and so on. I've been wanting to nudge my lady's family over to our side for some time, and it's a slow process since I'm literally starting from square one. Last week was a monumental breakthrough towards reaching my in laws with the message of self defense. Perhaps this might be of some use to you folks in the work at home. As you know, we have a lot more people out there who simply haven't ever stepped a toe into our world.



I flew up to Philadelphia Sunday with my sidearm for the first time, having gotten my PA LTCF (the local name for CCW/CHL) and always preferring to carry where and when I can if at all possible. Even more to the point there's been a bit of a spike in crime lately in the SE PA area. They've known me for four years, knew thus far that I have been a lifelong firearm owner and experienced hunter and shooter and trust me quite well and accept me as their son. I think they even knew to some degree that I had given my soon-to-be wife a rifle to keep under the bed for home defense in the few months that we were parted by her work training. However they knew nothing of civilian carry rights and that I had for a while had my CCW in Alabama and had been carrying my sidearm every day for months before being relocated out to the PRK. So once back into the free world and also as a particular local precaution my holster once again resumed its rightful place on my hip. There it stayed, completely unknown to anyone but me and my adoring soon-to-be wife who was flying in a few days later, until a couple days in...



I was in the kitchen there at the house on Tuesday night shaping up some burger patties to grill that evening with the mother in law cleaning a few dishes as I worked. I gave her a sniff of the mix of spices and herbs I was working into the burgers. She thanked me for the good work and gave me a nice pat on the lower back...RIGHT ON MY GUN.



Now this is someone who had absolutely zero family or personal acquaintances who owned any form of firearms even for sporting purposes. Someone who her whole life had voted Donkey party for everything, never once questioning it. Someone immersed in a sea of neocommunism, a card carrying member of the poverty class victimized by the upper class--by reason of money situation and family struggles over time misinterpreted as medieval class oppression rather than lack of personal financial soundness, lacking education of the latter and sadly suckered in by all the political rhetoric of the former. A person distant from the idea of the robust and capable American by way of living in concrete all her life and strong family encapsulation which although having created a loving, caring, sensitive, and loyal person all but erased the concept of the empowered, hardy, self determinate individual. A person whose faith and extremely strong religious devotion had unfortunately turned abundance of charity, reliance upon divine will, and goodness towards people into a nailed in doctrine of pacifism and helplessness.



In short, a sheep. Not by being a bad person but by being who she had always been and like the people around her, literally not knowing any better.



A few minutes later as I was firing up the grill she came out and asked me in a low voice as to what it was that I had back there. I replied my sidearm, attempting to soften the "blow" you might say. She didn't understand. She just had to lift up my shirt tail and have a look. The immediate whispered but obviously shocked (though well contained, all things considered) response was "Oh my god Bill why do you have a gun?" Immediately my mind was racing but at the same time it's something I've written volumes on so I felt up to the task. A little impromptu, I know, but I suppose if the need for self defense is on the spot I guess it's only fair that the perpetuation of it be quick, on the spot, and definitive. So I gave it all I had and then some.



I started out saying that I have for a while and have a license to do so. It's a priority to protect myself wherever I am because I am important to Melissa, her daughter, as well as to herself and the rest of the family. If anything were to happen to to me they'd be completely devastated. I'm in charge of my own defense because I am protecting what is valuable to them. I immediately went to the armored car analogy, as it's the one I personally find the most believable. I asked her if she knew what an armored car is. Obvious answer is yes. The guards are carrying guns because they're carrying bags of cash. Perfectly reasonable, right? Accepted by most people at very least so good enough. Now, I asked her, if the same guard was holding a bag of cash in one hand I was on the other side of the guard and someone threatened them which she'd rather be lost, me or the money. She'd rather have me be still there. OK, how about me or some politician? Celebrities? Are they more meaningful than me? No contest there. So why then if something or someone less important than me is defended should I be any less defended? Ah, a ray of reason. I am important to all of my family, and it is my duty to them to defend myself and my fiance, and obviously I extend that protection to them as I am around. It is a decision to be responsible. Others in this world, and even right across the tracks from them--and they're 2 doors down from that--make bad decisions. Violence against people is a decision made completely without regard to who is on the other end of it. That is simply a fact of humanity since day one. They are going to do so whatever my choice is. My decision is simply to be able to walk away and get home at the end of the day no matter what someone else's plans might attempt to alter. My family will not be hurt because of someone else's bad decisions.



They had gotten a new car recently which was parked directly in view. I pointed to it. I asked if she liked safety features. Obvious answer. Anti lock brakes, airbags, seatbelts, and strong frame are all things she likes. Why? They keep you safe in the event of an accident. Not because you're more likely to get to get into one. You might drive 20 years and that car may never have a dent or scratch on it. But would she take them out if she didn't "need" them? Of course not. Would she be without a safety feature if she had the option of having it? Nope. They might get hit on the way to the grocery store. If they don't it doesn't cost them anything to have it anyway, but it could cost them everything if they don't. Getting hit, slipping off the road, accidentally hitting something and so on is bad enough. They're not going to purposefully swerve into a telephone pole, but life isn't always so accommodating. The idea is to have it not get any worse from there.



That much was understood.



The rest of that night nothing further was mentioned on the matter. The next night both the parents brought it up, actually the father asked first. I did a brief rehash then elaborated on how reciprocity works, out of state CCW's and how I got mine, what PA's laws allow, open carry versus concealed carry, shall issue vs. may issue and how may issue is abused, and how the lack of armed citizens brought about by may issue or no issue--or lack of awareness and participation as in the Philly area--is a major factor in big city crime. I explained what questions and qualifications are on the PA CCW form, what it costs, and that it's perfectly openly accessible and why it should be. I once again showed them my AL one as it looks a lot more official. They were particularly interested in how I flew with it (Strangely they very rarely fly...), so I gave a detailed account of that as well.



There were no objections or arguments from them at all. I think at very least they understand me carrying and get the general idea. It was completely new to them that someone like me or them could, so it definitely gave them a whole abundance of new information they never even had before. Her dad even helped me laminate my PA license since it's just a slip of paper no thicker than a receipt. I want both of them and my sister in law (who wasn't there at the time, so I don't know how much she knows but she'll probably take even more time and work) to carry daily as I do because I love them as much as is evident that they love me. I can't say how quickly that will come about as they're very set in their ways but I can say that they're a lot farther along now than they were had it not been that I brought it before them.



Get your families on board. I should hope that they are as important to you as you are to them. Chances are if you're reading this you've long ago established that you're protecting yourself on their behalf. Ask them to do the same.

[Gary in Pennsylvania]

Good post Yellowfin.

I started OC'ing in Jan. I had been CC'ing much longer than that. Nobody (not even my own wife half the time) knew I was carrying.

But when I started OC'ing, I still CC'd in church. My father-in-law always takes us out for lunch afterwards (all 9 of us) and, until about the end of February, I continued to CC during that lunch because of how 'anti' I thought my in-laws were. I just didn't want to start a pissing battle that infringed on the good time my 4 kids have at this traditional "lunch event".

I finally got the full courage up to mentally say "fuck it!" This is me. I started uncovering (tucking my shirt in) while in the parking lot of right after church.

I haven't heard a peep out of either of them about it. My mother-in-law did inquire with my wife....and my wife said that "He's always carried....you just never knew." And my wife is 100% supportive of my firearm and the OC.

I was wrong about my in-laws. They don't appear to care. I should have done it (OC) right from the get-go. But ya know what they say about hindsight....
I had the OC Jitters at first.

[NineseveN]

Now that's an excellent story and the right approach for your situation. Kudos.

[Karl/PA]

Excellent job of education. You're fortunate that they were receptive to it.

[headcase]

Very good post Yellowfin My other half is very pro gun and anti OC at the same time, lol. She says she will not OC, but she will CC where ever she is allowed to carry. My immediate family(mother, sister, brother...), all asked in a shocked tone, "Why do you need a gun??". I told each of them that I would rather have one and not need it, than need one and not have it. They have never brought the subject up in a negative way since. My sister is aware of my increased,"activism", lately, and actually offered to sign for my wife on her LTCF application.... Glad to see others doing the "work"

[CommonHighrise]

Sounds like it was a win all around Yellowfin. Well done.

Ive had it easy with (soon to be) in-laws. Her father is a 'gun guy', although more of the hunting side than personal protection, he still has a LTCF. Her mother isnt 'into it', but she openly tolerates it in her home when I spend time there, both OC and known CC.

Oddly enough, my own parents are the hardest sell to make towards personal defense. My father doesnt care about me owning, but he beleives, and voices frequently, that carrying everyday like I do 'is just stupid'. My mother 'doesnt see the need to have loaded weapons in her house'. Though I have at least gotten her to accept OC spray installations in our family business and her delivery/personal vehicle. Its a little depressing to have to CC at home, when I feel totally comfortable with OC abroad.

Oh well, such is life.

[Yellowfin]

Show this to them, then. No way in hell could someone with half a brain and a pulse won't be swayed at least a little.

[625]

No way in hell could someone with half a brain and a pulse won't be swayed at least a little.

I think you over-estimate some folks on the left, and right for that matter. Logic and reason escape far too many these days.

Good job being diplomatic and calm when letting them know about your opinions.

[38SnubFan]

Yellowfin, that was a great post! You handled yourself the way I'd expect all of our members here to respond to someone who's anti or "on the fence". Please enjoy the positive rep I added to you. You've definitely earned it, bud!

Even though it's never been discussed with my in-laws, they know I carry since I do some Bail Enforcement work on the side, and it's pretty well assumed that if I have a sidearm and am working in that field, even part-time, that I carry full-time. Not that my job is my reason for carrying - I've been carrying as long as I've had an LTCF (about 4 years now). Just recently I've been OCing while off-duty since I've become a member of this forum (weather and social climate permitting, of course ).

My wife's best friend saw me OCing a few months ago while I was at home and, not knowing I even owned a gun, inquired as to why I had one and why I carried. I didn't even discuss the job thing...I simply explained (as our OP did) that the only person I truly hold responsible for myself and my family's safety is ME.

When she replied, "I don't like guns," I simply replied with my signature line, "I do not love the bright sword for it's sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I only love that which they defend." When she heard that, her viewpoint changed greatly.

I spoke to her again a few days ago, and while she no longer had a "hate" relationship with firearms, she still felt that they were far too complex for the average person to use safely without a lot of training. We discussed the four rules and how they'll work for EVERY FIREARM, and I even demonstrated loading and unloading my weapon, as well as how quickly I could disassemble it for cleaning and maintenance (less than 15 seconds on my pistol). When she saw that the basic mechanics of a firearm aren't really all that complicated, I knew I had broken new ground with her.

She's now considering doing some shooting on her own and learning more, and possibly eventually going to obtain her own gun and LTCF. I think next time I'm going to the range I'll invite her along and let her shoot my .38 to get a feel for it and introduce her not only to guns and carrying, but also into the wonderful world of Recreational Shooting.

It's really a word of mouth thing: If a negative spin is put on something, it will follow three-fold. However, if you put a POSITIVE spin on it, it can go TEN-FOLD!!!

Good luck to all those who educate the uneducated and wrongfully-educated,
38SnubFan

[duane1]

I had the same thing happen to me with family and friends. All worked out to the good. But a touchy situation non the less.