Quick! Timmy fell down the well in Philly!!

[RJT]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best...369705084.html

the things you find while bored...

IN A WELL, NEED LADDER
Date: 2009-09-11, 4:13PM EDT

I'm offering a reward for the first person who shows up with at least a 25 foot ladder to the well off of rt. 322 and Sugarsbridge Rd. My friends won't come because they think i'm joking. I'm definitely NOT... I have water but have not eaten in two days.

Reward is negotiable depending on how quickly you get here. And FYI to the kid that threw rocks down the well at me yesterday evening, I'm going to find you and do terrible thing to you.

* Location: phila burbs
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: neg. depends on response time

[mrjam2jab]

IN A WELL, NEED LADDER
Date: 2009-09-11, 4:13PM EDT

Wonder if he's still down there??

So he's able to get internet access to post a listing on Craigz list...but couldnt figure out how to call 911???

[Robert Kayland]

Should we send him a Get(out of the)Well card?

[andrewjs18]

Wonder if he's still down there??

So he's able to get internet access to post a listing on Craigz list...but couldnt figure out how to call 911???

internet on phones FTW...

[ScaredOnce]

Dude, the "best for craigslist" is a GREAT time killer... A favorite:

vThe Truth About Me
Date: 2009-08-14, 4:24PM EDT

I am fucking pathetic.

I don't own a Bugatti Veyron. I do have a negative savings and as you'll find--- I am the ONLY GUY HERE whose cock is NOT bigger than Lexington Steele's.

Read on if losers of my ilk are your type-otherwise return to the regularly scheduled programming of 9/11 conspiracy, fat chick fellatio, Obama-Osama axis of Evil, and baseless racial bias. I don't give a fuck. Proceed with caution as the truth MAY set you free.....or perhaps set you with me...I can hope.

Like everyone else I need to get laid, or at least have some social outlet other than, well, myself.....

It's that time; I'm feeling that special sexy non-std'd itch, and why not share a bit about me with you deviant fiends? Who knows, perhaps there's a similarly pathetic female out there????? Yeah, I suppose that perhaps this appeal is not-strictly platonic so I couldn't post there, all the dudes in M4W have cocks like giraffe's so I'm too embarrassed to post there, but my thoughts are as follows. All things should and do start as platonic, as such my appeal can be posted here or there, I settled on here as you are reading RnR and not one of the blatant post for sex sites BUT you may consider options.... If you disagree with my rather circular logic---fuck you. You'll keep reading anyway.

Gay guys,

I know you guys troll around here-you've written me shameless (blush inducing) pleas to let you suck my cock--thanks-but no, while I have no issue with your proclivities, I am not interested in a chap wearing, Rammstein blasting, choke collar wrapped around my neck, leather clad night of sodomy in a converted loft. Though tell me, is it queer that I own a Greek fisherman's hat and listen to early Judas Priest? I flatly refuse to accept there is any homosexual undertone anywhere in "Hellbent for Leather". Prove me wrong-I'll accept failure. London Leatherboys.

About me:

Unemployed by choice, 4" COCK. It's as thin as a shish kabob skewer. Yeah, I've a couple of snazzy degrees, I hate walks on the beach, prefer chicks that don't cry. I DO KICK ASS AT BOGGLE. If you beat me, say best of five, you can have my original Boggle set (with box).

I posses an ENORMOUS porn collection (Jake Malone's work is my favorite), school debt that equals the GDP of Taiwan. Lest I forget---two kids from the three women I've slept with-one is half black and may end up being the President in thirty years. Yeah, I'm sort of like Tom Brady-with a shitty spiral and two criminal liens made possible by the duma-esque welfare fraud state Massachusettstan.

Things I do for fun:

1. Go to Barnes and Noble and complete the logic section (NOT WITH A NUMBER 2 PENCIL--I USE A FELT TIP PEN BITCHES) in LSAT prep. books.....then return completed test/text to shelf. Some good that 164 has done me. Put a logic game in front of me and I'll slam it, just about anything else, I'll fuck up-even wet dreams.

2. Pickled carrot eating contests-to the point of diarrhea,vomit or ideally both. My farts are consistently stinky and loud. I take pride in the simple things, like farts, and it seems my flatulent remains a point of personal pride. Take pleasure where you get it bitches.

3. Strip joints.

4. I avoid all family gatherings---together we'll avoid yours. Be honest, if there was no biological connection to the members of your weed like family tree, would you deal with any of them? You might say 'yes.' No one believes you----especially them. Hateful lecherous bastards, their fucking kids don't even write 'thank you' notes.

5. Attend open houses, tell the sellers their property sucks, then request to use their bathroom. They say yes, I enter,give birth to a skunk (never flush-fuck wiping, though if you're into giving rim jobs, I'll wipe) then jerk off onto their mirrors...then split. If the Realtor is a female, I will get her card and taunt her with "yes, an offer is on it's way....should we meet for lunch?" Being creepy is not a dis-qualifier in this (go) down market. Fuck it, next weekend I'll wear a speedo and sleeveless tie dyed jeans vest (nothing under it) to an open house somewhere snazzy.

6. Return to Barnes and Noble-Direct to feminism section. Pick up some Susan Brownmiller bullshit and start uttering "****" at audible levels. If lucky, some patchoulie stinking Barnard classics major will be near by. I'll do my best to convince her we should fuck--for some reason the tactic has not borne fruit. Though I will masturbate about the Martha's Vineyard vacationing liberal arts graduate whore that night. While thinking of her, I'll listen to early Venom ("At war with Satan"), watch reruns of "Full House", have a belt wrapped around my neck and a thumb buried in my ass. Surprisingly, these onanistic Bacchus sessions are leaving me both exhausted AND fulfilled. IN BEST CHINESE WAITER ACCENT "Try you like"

There, finally an honest personal add, where are the e-mails cunts? All I've got is time, and a year's worth of dried semen on my hands. Come join me in my private Idaho---you fucking hateful culture whores. We'll ride the hate bus over these troubled waters together! Cumbaya-I am Lord Cumbaya

This type of honesty is cathartic. I encourage you all to do the same, this way, there will be no surprises when the veneer of early dates wears off and the stinky mess that is human coupling is exposed for the fiscal fuck farce it is.

Let's do this-I'm ready, are you?

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1323453510

[ScaredOnce]

This should be a sticky online... LOL

Craigslist w4m definitions and meanings
Date: 2009-08-29, 7:12PM CDT

W4M

"Baggage" - I can't deal with actual human beings
"Curvy" - fat
"Drama free" - I'm still bitter and involved with the last guy who got me pregnant
"Love to laugh" - I am a boring as hell so hopefully you can make it entertaining
"Looking..." - spam
"Must love..." - spam
"Partner in crime" - I'm as clever and interesting as a brick
"Seeking..." - spam
"Sensual" - fat
"Something real" - spam
"Treat me..." - fat black woman with a highly undeserved sense of entitlement
No picture - fat
Picture of sunset, flower, cocktail, eyes - fat
Three or four sentence post of superficial crap with picture of cute or hot woman - spam
"Not looking for sex" - I'll blow you
Five paragraphs long post - I'm fucking insane

M4W

"see what happens" - I'm hoping for at least a fingerbang
"down to earth" - boring
"sincere" - needy
"romantic" - needy
"drama-free" - I need a vagina that won't bother me after I'm done with it
No picture - I resemble a creature from Middle-earth
Picture of anything else other than a person - I will give you an STD
"Love to eat pussy" - Don't really know which part the pee or the baby comes out of
"spoil you" - I hope you're into watersports
"lets chat" - My other hand is on my erection
"love [music, movies, tv]" - I'm a cultural retard
"experienced" - one or two date rape convictions

* Location: River North
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1349245033

[King 5.45]

I'm not sure that anything quite tops the mother in the Atlanta area who was supposedly ready to go to just about any lengths to get an Xbox-360 for what must surely have been an incredibly spoiled brat of a child.

[ungawa]

I'm not sure that anything quite tops the mother in the Atlanta area who was supposedly ready to go to just about any lengths to get an Xbox-360 for what must surely have been an incredibly spoiled brat of a child.

Is that offer still valid?

[King 5.45]

I'm not sure that anything quite tops the mother in the Atlanta area who was supposedly ready to go to just about any lengths to get an Xbox-360 for what must surely have been an incredibly spoiled brat of a child.

Is that offer still valid?

I don't know. Why are you asking?

[mrjam2jab]

Is that offer still valid?

What's that saying about great minds?...