I dont know how to help my best friend.

[The Unknown 1087]

So last night my best friend/ hopefully soon to be g/f came over for the night. She dated this dude awhile back because he got physical with her. They broke up, this dude literally stalks her. Many time he has found her alone, and literally beat her (i've found the bruises and what not). Now lately when out with her I've taken notice to a car ending up being around us, a dark blue car, can't figure out what kind because i dont go near it. I didnt think much of it until like multiple times, i've never said anything to her. She's took him to court for a PFA and it got threw out because the guy played them all/scared her even more. Now last night she woke up screaming in bed because she thought he was beating her, but it was only a dream. It scared the shit out of me having someone sit up in bed and SCREAM and cry. Then we started talking, and i asked her what kind of car this dude drives, and i didnt tell her anything about the car i take notice to. and she said "A dark navy blue toyota".....SO he does apparently follow us around.

What can I do help her besides just watching out around us? shes scared he'll do more if she goes after him again, and she wont tell me anything about him, not even what he looks like. but she said if we're out in public and he is near she will tell me, so we can leave.

This fucking freak has me constantly on orange looking around. I don't even go outside to the car without carrying anymore! It's bullshit.

I bought her some OC spray to carry as well.

[Madame71]

I would suggest that if the "following" continues, to put in a stalking report yourself.
Start making a paper trail on this guy.
See if you could get his license plate #.
The police probably won't do much considering they will most likely tell you "there is nothing we can do, until something actually happens"
But at least you will have reports to back you up if needed.
Also when driving and you spot him behind you, change your direction.
If at all possible,head towards a police station and pull in.

As for your best friend, I highly suggest that she seeks professional help to work through this.

Gracie

[tes151]

I guess the cops figure she needs to get the sh*t beat out of her before they can give her a PFA, unless there is more to this than she has told you. I would stay alert and armed, and also document everything. Times and places you saw him and/or his car where you and her were. Pictures may help. Hopefully a LEO will stop by this thread and give you some better advice. Good luck and be careful.

[The Unknown 1087]

I would suggest that if the "following" continues, to put in a stalking report yourself.
Start making a paper trail on this guy.
See if you could get his license plate #.
The police probably won't do much considering they will most likely tell you "there is nothing we can do, until something actually happens"
But at least you will have reports to back you up if needed.
Also when driving and you spot him behind you, change your direction.
If at all possible,head towards a police station and pull in.

As for your best friend, I highly suggest that she seeks professional help to work through this.

Gracie

Yeah I hope something happens that can make it stop, she doesnt need it.

I guess the cops figure she needs to get the sh*t beat out of her before they can give her a PFA, unless there is more to this than she has told you. I would stay alert and armed, and also document everything. Times and places you saw him and/or his car where you and her were. Pictures may help. Hopefully a LEO will stop by this thread and give you some better advice. Good luck and be careful.

She sat down with me and explained everything. They dated and he was physical to her then, she left and he didn't let go. One of her other friends told me the same thing. The guy doesn't mess around when someone is with her though. it sucks.

I'll be on the look out for the car much more often. One of her buddies is also watching over her when she goes out with her friends. The dude thats stalking/whatever you want to call it, does have access to guns which worries me.

[Shawn.L]

contact the police yourself

try to get a description of the vehicle and driver and plate
always look at the shoes if you need a description. People change tops, jackets, whatever pretty quick, but generanlly they dont just toss out a pair of shoes.

create a paper trail

ask the police what else you can do

find and alert her to any support groups for abused women. she needs the help.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&s...&aq=f&oq=&aqi=

stay alert, and stay calm

[GunLawyer001]

These cases of abuse and stalking don't happen without the cooperation of the victim. The police take these things seriously if given the least bit of help from the victim.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if she occasionally called him, slept with him, told him that she still loved him. If she's let go of him, then he has no more right to stalk her than any random creep off the street.

ID the license plate, note at least 3 instances of him following you around, and then YOU get a protective order against him. Then the next time you see him, call the cops, and he'll be arrested for violating that order by following you around.

But I'll bet she resists, because she hasn't let him go. I never dated a woman who would have accepted as much as a slap from me, much less punching or worse, because they had self-respect. Women who accept that mistreatment have deeper issues than just a stalker.

[duane1]

The Ephrata PD sucks, I would try the State PD. They tend to take things more serious than the local dickhead force.

[ungawa]

Yeah I hope something happens that can make it stop, she doesnt need it.



She sat down with me and explained everything. They dated and he was physical to her then, she left and he didn't let go. One of her other friends told me the same thing. The guy doesn't mess around when someone is with her though. it sucks.

I'll be on the look out for the car much more often. One of her buddies is also watching over her when she goes out with her friends. The dude thats stalking/whatever you want to call it, does have access to guns which worries me.

Watching out does nothing unless somebody is looking at the right time (unlikely) and then they do something (less likely).

I don't know what she said to you but I'm with Gunlawyer on this. I don't think you have the whole story. Did she give you a pic of this guy so you can spot him? If you're not paranoid, and you did see him following you on multiple occasions, then there is a serious threat. Treat it as such. Including 100% disclosure both ways between you and your girl. Then cops.

If she likes playing you against him, even if she otherwise sincerely likes you, you have a boatload of trouble about to come down real fast.

[cigarmanpa]

if she didn't follow up with the pfa it doesn't sound like she wants the help. I have a friend who had her ex find her and break her nose, she was in court the next day getting a pfa.

[YBNORMAL]

Gotta agree with GL and Ungawa, etc. Watch your six when it comes to him, AND her. She is not going to be any good for you, untill she gets herself in order.


edit; I'm calling it right now that your still going to try to "help" her. Don't beat yourself up over it if it doesn't work out with you and her, we have all probably done the same thing, I know I have anyway. IMO, your best bet is to talk to another female that you trust and don't have any romantic ties with, tell her everything your semi-girlfriend told you and see what she thinks. Hopefully some ladies on the forum will chime in for you.