Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine, sitting by herself:


Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"

Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."

Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

Maxine: "No, they spread."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wanted him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, .... 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a
foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, .... I will give him sex!'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, 'Well , I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,
........'Screw him!'

Isn't senility wonderful?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

Ok, everyone. I don’t care how good you are or how smart you think your right foot is. You will not beat this!! Go ahead try and try again… This is so bizarre!

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

You have to try this , it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.

It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY.......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

Don't Eat Chicken Sandwiches no matter What....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends..

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both
Brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth
Grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich..

He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'

She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'

'Why?' he asked.


She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'

'Let me see' he said.

'Okay' and she pulled up her skirt.

He looked and said, 'That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl, 'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers
Down there too!'
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her
She said ,


'Oh, my Gosh, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIBBLETS!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++