Legend of the Mall Ninja & other true stories of absolute fiction

[Sharpshooter9x19]

I just read the "official" version of the origins of the "Mall Ninja" and after almost pissing my pants with laughter felt compelled to start a thread dedicated to the utter stupidity of "Mall Ninjas."

My story begins with me working in a gun shop about 9 years ago. A rather "tacticool" fellow comes in waering a photographer's vest and an empty holster peeking out from the vest and fly fishing forceps pinned to the left side. He struts up to the counter and asks to see a revolver. He says "I need a gun that'll kill somebody and I need it today man!" Barely containing my laughter I ask him what he's in the market for, and he says " A Dirty harry gun so I can take care of business, you know?" I ask him what he wants to see, and he points out a .32 revolver. I get it out and he does the obligatory 'spin of the wheel' and slams it home. I tell him that this can damage the weapon, and he replies "But it looks bad ass and gets the point across, you know? I know what I'm doing kid. I've got training."
He then points to a S&W 686 and wants to see it. After putting the barrel almost against his eye and staring down to the breech he tries to spin it, drops it on the glass showcase and then says "It ain't balanced well. Believe me I know." He picks it up off the floor and puts it against his temple and says "If I shoot myself will this kill me?" Without missing a beat I tell him, "No you have to put it under your chin. That'll do the job for sure." His eyes light up and as he hands me the Smith back he says "I'll take it." I say "No, you won't. You just implied you are planning to commit suicide, and having knowledge of this I cannot sell you this weapon." I then asked the owner of the shop to speak with the "gentleman" after explaining the conversation to him. He laughed in the guy's face and told him to get some Prozac & stick to fishing.
The guy left cursing and we watched him get into his Suzuki Samaurai and then fail to start it. He had to get another patron to jump him after about 20 minutes and then left.

Moral of the story: You should have to have a permit to breed, "Training" can help you ruin a wheel gun gun, and Never, EVER test fire your weapon on your temple...Unless you're a MALL NINJA!

All Hail the Mall Ninja!

[culatar]

You have to thank God for people like that. It gives you something to laugh at in you life.

[P-11 shooter]

That kind of person always makes you feel better about yourself. Brightens my mood no matter what, even if my grandmother just got shot in the face and I became an amputee in the same day. Its always a quicker pick me upper.

[WhiteShadow]

if my grandmother just got shot in the face and I became an amputee in the same day.

Damn...thats one shitty day.

[pandemic]

I just read the "official" version of the origins of the "Mall Ninja" and after almost pissing my pants with laughter felt compelled to start a thread dedicated to the utter stupidity of "Mall Ninjas."

My story begins with me working in a gun shop about 9 years ago. A rather "tacticool" fellow comes in waering a photographer's vest and an empty holster peeking out from the vest and fly fishing forceps pinned to the left side. He struts up to the counter and asks to see a revolver. He says "I need a gun that'll kill somebody and I need it today man!" Barely containing my laughter I ask him what he's in the market for, and he says " A Dirty harry gun so I can take care of business, you know?" I ask him what he wants to see, and he points out a .32 revolver. I get it out and he does the obligatory 'spin of the wheel' and slams it home. I tell him that this can damage the weapon, and he replies "But it looks bad ass and gets the point across, you know? I know what I'm doing kid. I've got training."
He then points to a S&W 686 and wants to see it. After putting the barrel almost against his eye and staring down to the breech he tries to spin it, drops it on the glass showcase and then says "It ain't balanced well. Believe me I know." He picks it up off the floor and puts it against his temple and says "If I shoot myself will this kill me?" Without missing a beat I tell him, "No you have to put it under your chin. That'll do the job for sure." His eyes light up and as he hands me the Smith back he says "I'll take it." I say "No, you won't. You just implied you are planning to commit suicide, and having knowledge of this I cannot sell you this weapon." I then asked the owner of the shop to speak with the "gentleman" after explaining the conversation to him. He laughed in the guy's face and told him to get some Prozac & stick to fishing.
The guy left cursing and we watched him get into his Suzuki Samaurai and then fail to start it. He had to get another patron to jump him after about 20 minutes and then left.

Moral of the story: You should have to have a permit to breed, "Training" can help you ruin a wheel gun gun, and Never, EVER test fire your weapon on your temple...Unless you're a MALL NINJA!

All Hail the Mall Ninja!

Where is the official version?

[Sharpshooter9x19]

Where is the official version?

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Get a change of underwear. This trip is gonna make LSD look like asprin!

[ehidle]

I never, EVER get tired of reading that douchebag's missives...

You guys should see his myspace page... it's equally hilarious..

[Lady Beretta]

Last year before buying my first handgun my brother sent me the link to the message board the guy posted to the most frequently. As a new to guns person......I was reading along with my mouth open.

[Swarner793]

While I understand that you did not sell him the firearm, but who are we to interfere with natural selection and darwinism? Perhaps, to keep destiny on track, you should have recommended the ole' car left running in the garage,....or something j/k

Great writing, I could picture the encounter vividly.

Be safe (and use a rifle..or shotgun..or leap from a high place..or..).

Scott

[keryst]

You guys should see his myspace page... it's equally hilarious..

Would you, by chance, happen to have a link? For, uh, research purposes.