AFRAID FOR MY WIFE

[glassman]

My wife is a nurse working in Chester. For those of you not living in Delaware county, lets just say it ain't a good neighborhood. The crime rate is through the roof, not the least of which is rape and murder. I want her to carry (maybe a nice little lady smith) but she won't hear of it. She is afraid of guns and won't go to the range with me as hard as I may try to convince her. I've approached the subject with calm and rational reasoning and told her I don't want to lose her. Any ideas on how to change her mind? Any ladies out there wanna chime in?

[xflyboy]

do not push the issue or she might decide her way of thinking is better than yours. might try making a suggestion every now and then, but she will have to make that decision completely on her own.

[glassman]

I should add that I don't make demands or push too hard. The conversation usually comes up when we hear of another shooting/killing/rape. I accept her fears and her wishes on the one hand but on the other, want her to be able to protect herself if, god forbid, the situation ever arises. We've also talked about alternatives like moving her car closer as the lot empties out (she works evening shift now and again), not leaving work alone, asking security to walk her to her car, carrying pepper spray, etc. BTW, we've been married a long time and she ALWAYS thinks her way of thinking is better than mine..

[chalmitch]

She, no doubt, sees the reult of shootings in her line of work. Better off,in my opinion, to get her to use the 3,000 pound car as a weapon - teach her not to pull tight to the car ahead of her at a light so she can drive around "stuff". Teach her self defense and self-preservation without the hand to hand combat.

Best regards,
chalmitch

[nijwnfi]

I don't know how this will go over, but I always hear that nurses are in demand. What about a Hospital in a better area? Are there any close enough to commute?

[aubie515]

If she won't consider a firearm, I'd at least get her some Fox Lab pepper spray.

[glassman]

We've talked about the driving thing and how not to get boxed in. As far as going to another hospital...she's been there 25 yrs or more and is at the top of the pay scale. I've been a nurse at another hospital for as long but make $12/hr less than she does. To start over somewhere else isn't in the cards for her but I have suggested it. I'd rather take the drop in salary and have her safe.

[Ladi]

Hi glassman -
I live around the corner from Chester and my husband works there, plus I went to school in North Philly, so I can definitely understand your concerns. In our experience, we haven't gotten hassled a lot while driving through (and I used to drive through alone in a convertible with the top down during the day). In the campus environment, I've felt safe enough staying alert and walking quickly through major campus throughways. Closed windows, locked doors, and good-quality pepper spray probably would've gone a long way with making me feel and be safe too. In some situations, I also liked to make sure I was actively on a cell phone conversation with someone who knew where I was and could let my attention away from the conversation enough to allow me to stay alert to my surroundings.

I like the other suggestions here of asking your wife to learn and use methods like not walking to her car alone, parking in a safe place, and using her car as a safe place and a weapon. Before I had a car that autolocked its doors, it's really amazing how often I left the doors unlocked while driving through bad areas. Your wife has worked there for many years and while Chester certainly hasn't gotten better over time, she's certainly doing something right to stay safe if she's been safe for so long and it's worthwhile to encourage those methods and ones that build off of them. If she's already comfortable with doing certain things, she's much more likely to keep doing those things and ones that are directly related.

And if you'd like to try and ask her to the range again, Xan and I shoot regularly at Targetmaster, are open to trying other places, and are happy to find new people to shoot with. Maybe she would be more comfortable going with another couple and having a woman to shoot with. You could also mention a discussion I've had with my sister, a former EMT and school administrator - anybody who lives with guns in the house or runs across them regularly at work has a responsibility to at least learn the basics of safety and handling, to include being able to safely load and unload any weapon in the house and (IMO) hit center body mass at 5-7 yards. In other words - basic competency is good for everyone's safety, even if you never shoot or intend to shoot in self-defense.

[Abrams.357]

Instead of a gun try a self defense flashlight from www.Surefire.com
Perhaps the E2D or 6P defender

[OneLungMcClung]

Hi glassman -
I live around the corner from Chester and my husband works there, plus I went to school in North Philly, so I can definitely understand your concerns. In our experience, we haven't gotten hassled a lot while driving through (and I used to drive through alone in a convertible with the top down during the day). In the campus environment, I've felt safe enough staying alert and walking quickly through major campus throughways. Closed windows, locked doors, and good-quality pepper spray probably would've gone a long way with making me feel and be safe too. In some situations, I also liked to make sure I was actively on a cell phone conversation with someone who knew where I was and could let my attention away from the conversation enough to allow me to stay alert to my surroundings.

I like the other suggestions here of asking your wife to learn and use methods like not walking to her car alone, parking in a safe place, and using her car as a safe place and a weapon. Before I had a car that autolocked its doors, it's really amazing how often I left the doors unlocked while driving through bad areas. Your wife has worked there for many years and while Chester certainly hasn't gotten better over time, she's certainly doing something right to stay safe if she's been safe for so long and it's worthwhile to encourage those methods and ones that build off of them. If she's already comfortable with doing certain things, she's much more likely to keep doing those things and ones that are directly related.

And if you'd like to try and ask her to the range again, Xan and I shoot regularly at Targetmaster, are open to trying other places, and are happy to find new people to shoot with. Maybe she would be more comfortable going with another couple and having a woman to shoot with. You could also mention a discussion I've had with my sister, a former EMT and school administrator - anybody who lives with guns in the house or runs across them regularly at work has a responsibility to at least learn the basics of safety and handling, to include being able to safely load and unload any weapon in the house and (IMO) hit center body mass at 5-7 yards. In other words - basic competency is good for everyone's safety, even if you never shoot or intend to shoot in self-defense.

Everything Ladi said.

I'm almost in nursing school and am now finishing all my prereqs and I can tell you, Glassman, that I am the odd man out. Not only cause I'm a man but because most nurses (including the males) loath firearms due to what Calmitch said: they see the results of shootings in their line of work. If you couple that to the fact that she is already afraid of the gun, you have a mixture of someone who doesnot want to be around them.

Ladi had some great suggestions and I, too, recommend you follow them for her - forcing her to carry makes you feel safe, but not her. She needs alternatives that she is happy about.

She probably wouldn't use the gun anyway: In a hostile situation, you react the way you train. She's going to do what comes naturally - and I'll bet you a freshly forged dollar if she gets in the sh*t that even if she's carrying, she won't pull the pistol, because she loathes it. Find things that she's comfy with that you can agree on - those are what she'll do!

BTW, we've been married a long time and she ALWAYS thinks her way of thinking is better than mine..

Ahhhhh, the song of the married man. I can't wait to find that special someone for me!