The economy is so bad:

Motel Six won't leave the light on
The Mafia is laying off judges
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting
A truck load of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico
The most highly-paid job is now jury duty
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Even people who have nothing to do with the government aren't paying their taxes.
Hot wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings
People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
People in Africa are donating money to Americans
Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "Finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the U.S.A. ?"