Is lying some sort of genetic defect?

[shefearsnothing]

We don't have a lot of problems with our kids as a rule but my son seems to have developed a terrible lying problem. I don't know what his issue is.

He lies about EVERYTHING no matter how minor. He gets caught ALL the time and even when he's caught he tries to lie his way out of it.

I have tried just about every punishment I can think of and nothing is working. I am wondering if it's just some genetic condition and no punishment will correct it? His bio. dad is a pathological liar.

Today I told him he had to write 200xs "I will not lie to my mom and dad about anything anymore". and he looks at me and says "well am I grounded from video games?" That is usually the punishment but it hasn't worked so far so I don't even know why he was asking!!! *slams head on desk*

I am very concerned about not getting this under control but don't know what else to try. When I was a kid we got stuff like tobasco or our mouths washed out with soap but I am thinking that would not "wash" these days. (no pun intended)

[Kaos]

We don't have a lot of problems with our kids as a rule but my son seems to have developed a terrible lying problem. I don't know what his issue is.

He lies about EVERYTHING no matter how minor. He gets caught ALL the time and even when he's caught he tries to lie his way out of it.

I have tried just about every punishment I can think of and nothing is working. I am wondering if it's just some genetic condition and no punishment will correct it? His bio. dad is a pathological liar.

Today I told him he had to write 200xs "I will not lie to my mom and dad about anything anymore". and he looks at me and says "well am I grounded from video games?" That is usually the punishment but it hasn't worked so far so I don't even know why he was asking!!! *slams head on desk*

I am very concerned about not getting this under control but don't know what else to try. When I was a kid we got stuff like tobasco or our mouths washed out with soap but I am thinking that would not "wash" these days. (no pun intended)

Have you tried spanking?

Serious question.

[kevco]

He is looking for your attention, good or bad. Spend some time with him. Hug him. Play a game, read books together. If he's old enough, take him to the range! Sounds like he is feeling left out of something.
Been there with my kids... I learned this the hard way.

[Exbiker]

Kid`s will lie when the consequences for lying are not much worse then for telling the truth.

[shefearsnothing]

kaos, yeah we have tried spanking. I'm not the biggest fan of it and we rarely spank our kids. I do believe there are times that it is warranted though.

kevco, I will try and spend more time with him but here's the thing: he is home with me all day long. (he is schooled at home) We have lots of one on one time and I don't mean just for schoolwork. He asks me to play games with him and I do most of the time (the few times I say no I am just busy with things around the house or our youngest). He is old enough to go to the range so my husband does that with him. He has his own rifle. Whenever he asks my husband makes a date to take him around his work schedule. I don't take him myself because that's a good "guy activity" for them and because I don't know anything about his rifle so I think it's better for my husband to be with him for that. I will make more of an effort to do things with him and see if things change though. Thank you.

exbiker, when he tells the truth I always let him know what the punishment would have been had he lied. Sometimes if he tells the truth and he didn't do anything drastically bad I don't punish him at all. We are making an effort to be sure he knows that it's ALWAYS worse if you lie.... I understand your point though.

[Kaos]

It's a phase they go through it seems, how old is your son?

[Robert Kayland]

We're all inherently sinners, whether the sociologists want to believe it or not. We're not sinners because we sin, we sin because we're sinners, if you can appreciate the nuance there.

Someone mentioned spanking, and as the saying goes "whoever loves his son looks for him with discipline... for the heads of children are filled with foolishness, but the rod of discipline will remove it far therefrom."

But that only seems to work up to about the age of seven or so, from my personal experience.

If your son is older than that and still needs correction, I'm not sure I have any foolproof advice. No video, no TV, no cell phone, no nothing except sit in his room and read books (make that GOOD books, not comic books) for an entire week-end, and only come out for meals. Try that.

[shefearsnothing]

Kaos, he will be 10 on March 7th.

Robert, I could try that. I am not opposed to any suggestions or trying them as long as they aren't abusive. Sometimes my husband says to just let him get away with things because grounding him doesn't seem to phase him and I think he's freaking CRAZY!!! I think it's just a manipulation of his. He's very smart so I think he believes that if he has us convinced that it doesn't matter then we'll react just as my husband is reacting. I don't think that will prepare him for the real world at all.

[Robert Kayland]

"Slap a coal shovel in his hand... that'll calm him down."

[Tootie]

At his age you should be able to sit him down and talk to him. Ask him outright why he lies and don't take "I dunno" as an answer. Tell him he's not in trouble but you want to clear this up before the lying gets him into real big trouble. Talking to him on an equal level should make him feel more comfortable also. Kids are really smart when they want to be and really pig headed other times. Try to make him feel at ease and get him to tell you why he is doing this. It's a lot easier doing it this way then trying to punish him with things he doesn't mind being taken away.