Balls, as a unit of measurement.

[P-11 shooter]

Balls, as a unit of measurement.

Temperature
Most common. Everybody’s heard somebody say, “It’s cold as balls out there.” Well, the proper question is “how many balls?” I have invented the “balls system of measurement” that I will now explain. Celsius is great for science projects, but leaves something to be desired for everyday life. Balls are the first system designed around the human being. Using 60 degrees as a “happy medium” or “zero ball” any deviation of + or – 12.5 = one ball. Therefore 47.5 degrees F is –1 ball and 35 degrees F and lower can officially be declared “cold as balls” while 85 degrees and above can officially be declared “hot as balls”

Volume
The standard for “Fluid Balls” was determined by immersing my scrotum (sans hair) in a solution of warm water and calculating the displacement. The number I came up with is 52 milliliters. The conversion from ML to BS (balls) is 26-1. This unit of measurement serves no practical purpose other than giving me an excuse to test the displacement of my scrotum.

Mass
The standard for “Metric Balls” was determined by weighing my testicals on a pre-calibrated digital scale. They weigh exactly 76 grams. Therefore 1 Ball is equal to 38 grams. This unit of measurement is useful only for impressing your friends and selling weed.

Speed
Results are inconclusive. I have yet to successfully measure the speed of my testes.


I am currently working on this, as well as setting the standards for assload, shitload, fuckload, and fucking shitload.

[pirateron]

Good luck with that

[P-11 shooter]

Good luck with that

Thanks buddy

[ShakeyDad]

Has it been determined, as of yet, how to tell exact outside temperature by judging how far your "balls" recede into your body ? Scrotal shrinkage is probably more accurate than "Accu-Weather".

[dman]

When will the female conversion be posted ?My wife has balls,how many balls?
would they be muffy balls,or would they be fuzzy balls ?,and how fast would her balls be,or would she just have temperate,massive,fast,female,ass,shit,fuck,and fucking shit loads of balls.?

SIR !! You have totally confused me witch is not difficult to do.

THANKS PAL !!! I'm leaveing now .

[Atomic Dog]

Females measure ambient temperature with nipple projection.....

[PisnNapalm]

[spabula]

Females measure ambient temperature with nipple projection.....

I prefer the term turkey testers............

[DCChris]

This seems very similar to the unit I use to quantify large amounts........the shitload.

[ar15jules]

How about, "Dumb as a box of balls"?
Jules