18 years ago, a long long post

[Frenchy]

Well Folks, it’s been 18 years!!!


18 Years ago, around the end of March, I had a very big pain in my side, I went to see the doctor, and he did a few preliminary tests…

A few hours later, I was asked if I could go to a hospital about 100 miles from there, seems they wanted to do more tests, I was told not to take rough roads and to keep my seatbelt off…


April first, the first day I was in the hospital after the tests and the doctor comes in my room I am expecting to hear how I can go home, just a bad stomach flue… You know how it is…


Dr walks in my room, asks me to sit down, tells me I have testicular cancer.. The metastasis has gone up and blocked a kidney and the second kidney is not doing much better…

He could have hit me in the face with a round shovel; the shock would have been the same. For those who have had the pleasure of smelling pure ammonia, I had that hit me in the head feeling.

Cancer, How this could be… the Doctor was rattling on about some thing but I was not really listening, some thing 3 days, 3 weeks 3 months… I looked around and there was this nice window, 5 stories up…

The doctor asked if I wanted to think it over, have family come over.. I caught on to that, yeah I want my sisters and Brother to come say good bye… My only thought, Mom died of Cancer.. I was 12 years old, my daughter 1 in 1991… Wow a few days to go, maybe a few months, what did he say?

So the Dr took my file, made some calls and some how, my sisters arrived, it is a 12 hour drive from where I lived to my sisters homes… how did they do this? Seems those little white pills are fun and take the time away..

Doctor explains again, If I do nothing, 3 days more or less, If I have testicles out and possibly kidney, I can live a few weeks… If I do All this and then Chemo, maybe 3 months, we will revise as we go along…

Bob, it is a new treatment, it has never been tested, you are a prime candidate, 2 others in North America will be doing this… Sure make me a rat, test on my body, what can I lose?
Some Olympian and some comedian also had the exact same treatment at about the same time I did.. Who the hell am I to be granted the same status as an Olympian?
That window still seemed like a good solution to my problems but some how it was further in my mind, If I could help advance science, why not… Beside, the window did not open and had wire mesh inside!

First day, I went into the Op room to get the bad nugget out, just one was affected, so I could keep the other, Decisions, decisions… Do I want a prosthetic ball?

Duh No, this one is already in the way, why replace it?

24 hours later, chop, chop, bzz bzz shaved and all, I have one nut left, but I dare not go touch it, in my drugged out mind, the doctor took a buzz saw and took every thing out and I now look like a Ken doll, no parts left…

Within 48 hours, I am on Chemo PEP severe… severe? Heck next morning I have no hair left! Great, I no longer need to shave, A personal Peeve of mine.

Next few days, I am drug induced remember, I go to a lab to get my kidney poked at and a tub inserted… First a small needle, then a slightly larger on top, then larger again.. Larger, bigger, Fucking Doctor weighs about 400 pounds and he is pushing this needle.. No this piece of steel tube in my back, it’s the size of my friken thumb ARRRRHHH!

[Frenchy]

Its over, I have had my kidney prodded, filled with liquids, pressurized, it works, but the tubes are all messed up from the Metastasis (puss from cancer) blocking it and from the length of time it was there, the tube closed upon its self.. For now we hope time will cure it, let’s keep this tube in your back and put a bag on it, then the other kidney might get better… Better? Huh? I have three friken months to live, how better do you want…

What, Its been 2 months, and I am doing better? Hmm ok. I was so doped up, I could not remember the days of months.. All I remember, one cute nurse, lots of intra venous lots of milk, cant stand food, chocolate tastes like shit, coffee tastes like shit, tea is drinkable, little white pill under my tongue makes me feel warm and fuzzy and sleepy… Kraft dinner is the meal of kings, well it is the only thing I can eat about 2 days of the month, I am on a strict ration of 3 weeks of chemo 5 days out of 7 and then a weeks rest… Yahoo, a whole week no needles and sitting or more lying in bed at home…

Month 3 goes by, I celebrate an anniversary.. I beat the 3 days, 3 weeks 3 months the Dr said I could live.. A pastor that came by in the first few days told me With Jesus, I can chose the 3 days I live… Wow what a concept when your doped up.

Month 4, I want to die, I have pneumonia, I cant breathe, I cant cough, I cant walk, I cant lay down, I cant sit, I feel like I am drowning, and I am stuck in a 90% oxygen room cant even leave to go smoke.. Yeah I still smoke, remember I had just 3 months to live, I some how could not stop smoking…

A whole month nurturing Pneumonia, I felt so weak I could not even think more then to say Hi to the nurse and hope she would not miss the vein this time, My arms are so sore…

By Month 5,I feel much better, the month of no Chemo has a few baby hairs growing back on my head… Wow hair… Back to Chemo, month 5, 6, 7, 8… Then the decision to take the kidney out, one is functioning, the other is still draining through my back… Back to the operation table, this could be a long operation, the kidney is closer to the size it should be, but there is still about a 6 inch swell in my belly that should not be there… Kidney and the sell around it is about the size of a football… I ask the Dr to make sure I am very happy before they move me to the Operating table…

Man I am happy, I am dancing around jumping from the gurney to the operation table… Who.. Yahoo! Life is so beautiful… No pain, just fun.. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds… What a trip… Doctors start to strap me down, one at my head explains to me how I will feel drowsy, but will essentially be awake, just wont be able to move much and will not feel a thing… First we put this loooong needle in your arm, starts at the wrist, goes all the way up under the skin.. Ready, this is going to poke a little,, we are going into the bone at the elbow level, breathe in deep ARRRRRRRRKKKHHH!

[Frenchy]

Good God its cold in here, Am I in the morgue? Hey You, can I get a blanket? Where AM I?

You will be ok, every thing is fine, let me get you a warm blanket… beep beep, microwave is opened, a fresh blanket comes out, Woah its like 120 degrees, it is so niiiice…. Brrr, it is cold, hey I know you! My ex is standing in front of me… I am cold, can you ask for a blanket…

Blah Blah Blah and a bomb… Huh? What? Sir we can not move you yet, there was a bomb scare and the police and dogs are checking the elevators and halls, once they clear we can move you to your room… here is an other blanket.. Weee its warm, sleepy very sleepy….. Oops, where am I, oh man what is with this tube in my nose, and this rack on my arm, these machines hooked up to me, I am in a room, it is quiet, I want a smoke!

My ex is there.. She lights me a smoke and gives it to me, I feel like my head is going to explode, My ribs are sore… Here push this little button, it will give you some pain killer in your spine… Weeee My shoulder is numb, by butt hurts like hell and my ribs… fire….. Pain… Cant sleep I will die!

I hung on to this thought 36 hours, did not sleep, felt pain like never before, the Doctor visited regularly, the one machine pumping my stomach was because they had to cut / break 2 ribs to get the kidney out.. no signs of metastasis left, every thing else checks out… I have over 175 staples and this is what is causing some of the pain… Unfortunately the feel good pills and all the other meds they can use are useless, the pump would take them out, the other tubes are IV and blood verification and some EKG junk to be sure my heart is beating strong… Dr says I should think about quitting smoking, I am thinking You said I was going to die 6 months ago, let me be now…


In 36 hours, I smoked 6 packs of cigarettes, I was lighting them one on the other because I was scared the lighter would not light… The only thing left that was a luxury, every thing else in my life was a need or an experiment… Beep Beep, brrr beep Beep, I am hooked up to computers…
A few days later, Life must be getting better, I am in a room with 2 other men, as coincidence, they both had surgery.. One in the stomach, one in the door #2 prostate, and me in the every where… We all have the same family name, I am the only one who can distinguish who’s meds go where… One is as deaf as a barn door, you have to repeat every thing two or three times, they he goes “Oh Yeah” but never understood a word… the other man next to me is as doped up as I am and a little older… Both having had stomach type operations, we have a bad case of the farts… Well ok I always had that, but now it is more evident cause I cant squeeze them out, its too painful, the doctor said we should let them rip… What a symphony… Brrroot, Brrrrot, Brrrrrut, Brratatatatata tow!
We sound like muffled machine guns, and we are laughing like teenagers, except the old man with the prostate and barn door ears who cant hear well, thinks we are talking to him Brrrroot, huh? What? Brooot… Oh Yeah!

Meanwhile the other guy and me are killing ourselves laughing… For our own good, we had to ask the prostate guy be moved to an other room, then we where 2.

In a few days, tubes removed from me, computers and ekg removed, I can walk around again, well not so fast, first time I stood up, I thought I was on the Empire state building… Man I felt tall… With Just our IV drips, we decide we can canvas the place and see if there is other things to see in the hospital.. we decide to go to the Cafeteria… We had not made it 30 feet, I let out this ripping fart while walking, we missed the elevator 3 times because we where laughing so hard… He ended up falling to the ground in pain because the laughter was pulling at his stitches so much, he also had a chest opening… Heck I thought he was dying, But I could not stop laughing.

Doctor took notice I seemed stronger and suggested one more month of Chemo to be sure every thing was gone. By now, the staples where out, the tubes mostly all out, there where no more computers and EKG hooked up to me, a Month did not seem too bad mainly since it was really only 3 weeks.. But the battery of tests they did to me really put me down… My sister offered if I was ok and if the DR gave the green light, I could go for 2 weeks with her and my little family to Florida… Not that I remember much of it, I was still taking 36 different pills a day.. The little white pills where not as effective in making me sleep, but they sure made time go by fast.
All in all, 9 months of chemo, one month with a pneumonia, so 8 months of chemo and I was feeling much better, just could not remember a lot of it, it came back later in spurts… I could write a book on my days in the hospital, but I wont, just thought I would put together the more memorable days of an event that happened 18 years ago almost to the day today….

I celebrate 18 years of life!

[mtp81]

Congratulations and happy anniversary!

I'm happy to hear that everything has been going well and there are no more mets and you beat all odds. How is your one kidney functioning? Do you have any issues with urinating?

I see alot of people die where I work unfortunately but what really bothers me is the end stage cancer patients that are in such agony and are still alive barely hanging on by thread. Cancer patients and any critical pediatric emergency bothers the shit out of me.

[Ten*K]

metal, man... metal.

[wa3ra]

Just wow! Great writing, I swear I could feel it with you, Frenchy!

Congratulations on beating the big C.

[bull2969]

Frenchy, congrats. Im glad you still around and doing will.. I enjoy reading your post.

[Lady Beretta]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

[LisaA]

Congratulations, Frenchy! Thanks for your wonderful posts.

[ChamberedRound]

Congrats Frenchy, you definitely beat the odds. I wish for you many more happy and healthy years.