What to do about hoplophobic family?

[Nullifidian]

Hi all,

I'm relatively new to firearm ownership. I purchased my first firearm within the last 6 months. Currently my wife and I own 5. 2 Mosin Nagants and 3 handguns (.357 Magnum, 7.62 Tokarev, and 22LR).

All of my family, and all of my in-laws live in NJ (or Manhatten) and have varying degrees of hoplophobia. My wife is so conscious of it that the only firearms she lets my in-laws be aware of are my Mosin Nagants. She says her mother would freak out if she knew about our .357 or the TT33. Heck, she didn't even want to let them know about the 22LR.

My family is far worse. I don't let them know about ANYTHING. My mother lives in Bergen County. My brother lives in Manhatten. I have an aunt that is always volunteering on campaigns for Democrats. They're all raging liberals.


I don't want to alienate my family, but it's extremely frustrating having to hide something from them that is legal, safe, and one of the fundamental rights granted to us by the US Constitution.

Have any of you experienced anything similar? How do you guys deal with it? Is there any way to bring them around?

I was thinking about seeing if I could bring my father-in-law to Firing Line or something, maybe get him hooked on target shooting. Shooting is a big part of my wife's and my life now. We go up to Ontelaunee at least once a week for Thursday gun practice. I go Saturdays or Sundays too to shoot my Mosins, and when the weather gets better my wife will be coming along too.

I hate having to keep something so important to my wife and I secret from our families.

[NikeBauer21]

Very slippery slope indeed. I can't speak from experience, since I've been lucky enough to never be put in the situation.

However, have you tried just explaining it to them? Sit them down and explain the protection and sport factors of the guns? I realize it can be hard, and you never want to alienate your family... but you have to look as well, do you agree with everything they are doing? They are quick to voice their opinions, perhaps you should do the same... in a civil manor of course. Lay it out on the line, and tell them that this is your interest and need, and why you feel that way.
If they really love you, and are true family, they will continue to love you no matter what. But you need to stand up for yourself, in a way... They let their views known to you, and basically slapping you in the face with them.. it's time you slapped back a little.

However, if some of them are "open" to things... try having a picnic or something this summer, and shoot some targets or trap or something. They may find out how fun it can be. You just never know what can happen I guess.

Good luck though, with whatever approach you take!

[zachomega]

My father was pretty upset when i first told him I bought a gun. He thought I was about to settle some score and asked me why I didn't ask him first, and I said, would it have made a difference? He got over it pretty quickly.

To the best of his knowledge, I have 2 handguns and a rifle. Him not knowing about the other 9 guns isn't important. He doesn't need to know. It doesn't affect his life.

Although I did take my dad shooting with me for the first time last week. He hadn't shot a gun in (by his own recollection) 30+ years with the exception of a hand full of rounds when buying a 9mm pistol in the 90's at some point. My father isn't anti-gun, he just didn't want me buying one for the wrong reasons. Anyway, he told me my S&W 686 with a 6" barrel was a canon when loaded with 38's and that his 9mm didn't kick like that. I told him that he was remembering things incorrectly and that he must not have shot his 9mm all that much. He liked my Ruger Mark III though.

Anyway, the point being, if they don't want to hear about guns and you have zero chance of converting them to a position of tolerance (at the very least) and only stand to start an argument, talk about something else. At least that is my take on it.

-Zach

[Nullifidian]

It isn't really that they "made their views known to me." I've known them my whole life (except my in-laws). My family has always been extremely liberal. The kind of liberal that can't even fathom another political view. Heck, I was too until I went to college (a liberal arts college no less). I'd credit the logic courses I took as part of my Math major. Basically I started formulating my political opinions based on careful consideration of each issue instead of whatever someone told me or what I was indoctrinated with.

I no longer consider myself a part of any party really.

I have absolutely no confidence any of my family are capable of the same. It's religion to them. I have absolutely no idea how to breach the subject with them. Heck, they already think I'm some kind of a hick for living in PA instead of NJ. They look at my move to PA as if I've "settled for less" or some crap. As if NJ and NYC have some kind of inherent superiority.

As for my in-laws, I think there is some hope for them. My in-laws are mostly apolitical. They also like me.


So I think I'd prefer to start by working with them rather than even attempting anything with my family.

[God's Country]

The best thing you can do IMO is just be a responsible gun owner. If that’s not enough to hell with them. If they all know you well enough to be a decent respectful individual and suddenly think you're a nut because you own guns it's their issue not yours. By all means introduce any of them that my not be hiding under the kitchen table to shooting.



On a side note I don’t see why any of us should be afraid to discuss our lawful hobbies with family. If I need to endure endless discussions about football, truck pulls, corporate shafting, and the merits of a well-fertilized lawn, they can reciprocate by listening to my rants as well.

[PisnNapalm]

IMHO it's none of their business how many guns you and your wife choose to own. You don't tell them what car to drive or other property they can own.

It's not like you're gonna be cleaning the collection when they come for a visit.

[PocketProtector]

For the life of me, I can't understand the logic behind being against the God Given right to protect oneself. If they choose to be victims, that's on them.

I saw a home video the other day of 3 guys executing a guy and 2 girls in their home...all the shots to the back of the heads shown clearly. Show them that video and then ask them why they don't have any protection.

[NikeBauer21]

It isn't really that they "made their views known to me." I've known them my whole life (except my in-laws). My family has always been extremely liberal. The kind of liberal that can't even fathom another political view. Heck, I was too until I went to college (a liberal arts college no less). I'd credit the logic courses I took as part of my Math major. Basically I started formulating my political opinions based on careful consideration of each issue instead of whatever someone told me or what I was indoctrinated with.

I no longer consider myself a part of any party really.

I have absolutely no confidence any of my family are capable of the same. It's religion to them. I have absolutely no idea how to breach the subject with them. Heck, they already think I'm some kind of a hick for living in PA instead of NJ. They look at my move to PA as if I've "settled for less" or some crap. As if NJ and NYC have some kind of inherent superiority.

That's the hard part right there.. If they are set in their ways, they refuse to change them. I've had debates with conservatives and liberals the same, and it seems that while the conservatives most times attempt to understand an issue, and at least let the opposition voice an opinion, Liberals are hard-set in their ways and there is NO changing their mind no matter what evidence and information you present. Trying to convert, or even discuss with a hardcore liberal is like try to teach a donkey how to fly... it just ain't gonna happen.

I do applaud you for choosing for yourself though. That is something a lot of people, especially youth, these days seem to lack. The ability to think for themselves. Rep or Dem, just choose for yourself on your own reasoning... not someone else's.

Plus, I'm happy to be a redneck hick any day of the week. According to liberals, it means "a free, law-abiding citizen who has morals and standards; refuses to give up their rights; likes to hunt and fish; enjoys the simple things in life; enjoys firearms; enjoys religion; etc" So next time they treat you as such, just act like it's a compliment. That's the best way to get to them.

As for my in-laws, I think there is some hope for them. My in-laws are mostly apolitical. They also like me.


So I think I'd prefer to start by working with them rather than even attempting anything with my family.

That would be a good start. If you could get them on board, at least one side of the battle would be won.

[625]

Wow, that's a tough situation to be in. Beyond what has already been mentioned here, like inviting them to go shooting and attempting to discuss your opinions regarding your legal activities, there really isn't much you can do. Sometimes people come around, though. A decade or so ago, I remember having a discussion with my dad about guns. He said that anyone that owns a handgun should be locked up. I told him that it's nice to hear that you think your own son should be locked up. He didn't know I owned handguns, so he was at a loss for words. He has since become more conservative, and understands that firearms are a large part of my life. Good luck.

[renegadephoenix]

three ways to go about this,

1. be honest and have a nice civil discussion with them. make sure you have your facts ready along with facts to rubte their claims

2. invite them up for a family weekend, load all your firearms into your trunk and take them without their prior knowledge to the range and have a family range day.

3. keep your mouth shut.