Craigslist Missed Connection (firearm related)

[hog45]

This is kind of funny and kind of embarrassing. It was brought to my attention this AM. Apparently I was noticed at Sheetz early Saturday morning on my way home from work by a lady who wants a piece of me. This is not a joke, and it was definitely me because the description is so detailed.

I am happily married, however, so this nice lady is out of luck.

http://harrisburg.craigslist.org/mis/4751642451.html

4:00 AM at Sheetz - w4m (Sheetz Dillsburg)
I am a surveillance and security officer at Sheetz in Dillsburg, so you did not see me, but I saw you on my monitors. I watched you closely because you had a pistol in your back pocket and it was 4:00 AM at Sheetz and I'm a security guard whose job is to watch exactly for people like you. It was early Saturday morning/late friday night.

You had a nice big pickup truck with smashed pumpkins and a bunch of apples laying around in the bed. You filled it up with gas and went into the store while the tank filled, with your gun sticking out the back pocket for all to see, without any attempt to conceal it, and you were wearing a t shirt even though it was below freezing outside. (there are cameras on all sides, so I saw your every move and your truck from multiple sides)

You bought some cough drops. Then after paying, and not holding the place up and shooting anyone (good for you!) you proceeded back to your truck, opened the package and put ALL of them into your mouth. Are you ok? You seemed totally healthy in the way you walked and conducted yourself, but, geez.

You were dressed like you had just gotten done working a very long day on a construction project of some sort, with jeans and t shirt that looked sweaty, yet both the jeans and shirt fit you well. You have broad shoulders and thick arms and walk with a long purposeful stride with your chin up, like you own the place. You have a presence in the way you walk, pump gas, and eat cough drops. Even the way you walked through the store looking for them was done with a certain degree of confidence and alertness that is very rare for Sheetz at 4:00. You are handsome, but not in the normal kind of way. You look like what would happen if a hollywood pretty boy had to play a role as a construction worker who got beaten up. I started off watching you because of the gun, but by the end I was just watching. Anyway, there was nobody else in the store, so I was just doing my job.

Me, I am about your age and 5'8 135lbs with brown hair. I am better looking than you, and I also work strange hours.

When we meet up we can discuss the proper, gentlemanly way to eat cough drops, things to do with pumpkins and apples that don't involve hauling them around at 4am, and how my .357 is better than whatever that plastic toy pistol you carry is, probably a Glock.

Now, remember, I am trained and have good attention to detail, so if I get like 10 replies to this all claiming to be the mysterious man I saw, I will know pretty quick if you are him or not, based on a pic or two. If you pass the pic test, you will need to be 6 ft tall when I meet you, have the right color hair, and not weigh more than 200lbs, but not much less either. I carry a .357 magnum, I train with it, and I have kicked, punched and shoved more men to the ground at bizarre hours of the night than you have. And no, not in any kind of way that you would enjoy. So don't try anything with me.

I am strictly looking for a platonic meet up at Sheetz someday. We can have coffee and cough drops together and chat for a few minutes and that's all.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 4751642451

So, is this some sort of joke? Is she real? I have no idea, but I was at sheetz on saturday at 4 am, I had a bunch of smashed pumpkins and apples in the truck, and I ate a case full of cough drops, so whoever posted this was definitely watching me, and it was definitely me. My wife finds it disturbing. I'm not sure if its disturbing or just funny.

So, do I tell this lady I am married? Or do I ignore it and never go to Sheetz in Dillsburg again? Does this belong in the lounge because it is ridiculous and crazy, or the OC forum because I was OCing? I put it in General because it is at least as much about the Craigslist ad as it is about OCing.
Or do we need a new "missed connections" forum?
Or should we locate Wakefield and organize a meetup between him and this lady?

So many questions, so few answers.

[qmcorps]

This has all kinds of crazy; at many different levels. I recommend that you have Wakefield handle this. Like minds, ya know.

[streaker69]

I would report it to Sheetz management, I'm pretty sure that isn't part of her job description, and they possibly have an unstable person working for them.

[Lendog]

hate ta break the news to ya but I don't think that missed connection was from a woman

[Emptymag]

Reading that kinda makes me wanna have your baby.

[hog45]

Reading that kinda makes me wanna have your baby...

So, it was you?

[REBELoffaLEASH]

It may just be her sense of humor (?) But I gotta go with Streaker. She seems a bit unstable.

[darkhunter]

i agree doesnt sound like a woman to me lol, just ignore it and if it happens again report it to management

[Shadowline]

I can't believe people would want to report it to management. She didn't do anything wrong. Also, to say the person is unstable is a huge reach. I wouldn't recommend responding, but its not something that rises to that type of reaction.

[JoshIronshaft]

This is hilarious.

So why were you browsing the missed connections, hmmmmm?

I would probably screenshot this ASAP, contact Sheetz management, and only return to this Sheetz incognito, like with a giant sombrero and stick-on handlebar mustache.