"Iraq War Ends, Troops to Return Immediately"

[Damage control]

Posted under fair use.

NY times

By Jude Shinbin
Published: July 4th, 2009
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WASHINGTON — Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom were brought to an unceremonious close today with a quiet announcement by the Department of Defense that troops would be home within weeks.

“This is the best face we can put on the most unfortunate adventure in modern American history,” Defense spokesman Kevin Sites said at a special joint session of Congress. “Today, we can finally enjoy peace — not the peace of the brave, perhaps, but at least peace.”

As U.S. and coalition troops withdraw from Iraq and Afghanistan, the United Nations will move in to perform peacekeeping duties and aid in rebuilding. The U.N. will be responsible for keeping the two countries stable; coordinating the rebuilding of hospitals, schools, highways, and other infrastructure; and overseeing upcoming elections.

The Department of the Treasury confirmed that all U.N. dues owed by the U.S. were paid as of this morning, and that moneys previously earmarked for the war would be sent directly to the U.N.’s Iraq Oversight Body.

The president noted that the Iraq War had resulted in the burning of many bridges. “Yet our history with our allies runs deep,” he said, “and we all know that friends forgive friends for anything. Or nearly.” A spokesperson for the French Ministry of Defense confirmed that France would assist the U.S. withdrawal. “The U.S. helped the Soviet Union defeat Hitler. We do recognize that.”

In conflict zones worldwide, leaders and rebels pledged peace. (See ”In Conflict Zones Worldwide, Peace Moves,” on Page A4.)

On Wall Street, reactions were mixed, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average up 84 points, to close at 4,212. While KBR stock was quickly downgraded to a “junk” rating of BBB-, defense contractors such as Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grummon started up.

“Now that the war’s over, we’re going to get to go back to developing exciting new weapon systems, instead of just trotting out the ones that are proven to work,” said a visibly excited Robert Stevens, Lockheed C.E.O., before a reporter informed him of the Senate moratorium on new weapons systems development.

“Oh,” said Stevens, looking flushed, and quickly excused himself.

General David Petraeus had a distinctly ashen look as he attempted to put a good face on the situation. “I’ve been trying to make sense of all this, and I have to say that in perspective, we did pretty well,” Petraeus told reporters.

“It turns out that in 1917, the British made exactly the same mistakes we did,” Petraeus noted. “They told the Iraqis they had come ‘not as conquerors but as liberators, to free you from generations of tyranny.’ Like us, they were surprised the Iraqis didn’t feel quite the same. The insurgency against the British started in Fallujah too, and like us, the British Prime Minister warned against leaving Iraq on the grounds that there would be civil war.”

Petraeus smiled wearily. “I guess it’s never too late to learn.”

[SilentRage]

By Jude Shinbin
Published: July 4th, 2009

[soberbyker]

http://www.nyunews.com/news/city_sta..._trick_readers

Fake Times issue tries to trick readers
Amanda Lorber


Updated: Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Iraq war has ended — but only according to the headline of a faux special edition of The New York Times.

Yesterday, more than 1.2 million copies of the 14-page joke edition were distributed throughout New York and Los Angeles. The issue claimed to contain “all the news we hope to print” and has been attributed to a group of activist-pranksters called the Yes Men.

Catherine Mathis, a spokeswoman for The New York Times, told Reuters that the edition is fake and the company is looking into it.

Aside from the story on Iraq, other front-page articles detailed the passing of a maximum wage law and the declaration of nationalized, oil-funded “climate change efforts.” The issue was dated July 4, 2009, and came complete with green solution and revolution-themed advertisements.

The Yes Men designed a website for the hoax issue at nytimes-se.com and allowed people to reply to the articles.

One comment read: “You people are idiots. Are you trying to become the next Onion? Here a prediction: July 4, 2009 New York Times Knockoff Sued for Willful Copyright Infringement.”

Others praised the piece.

“Sued? For satire?” one reader wrote. “I think not.”

A statement from the website said that the paper took six months and six different presses to create before it was given to thousands of volunteers to distribute.

“It’s well-done, I’ll give it that,” CAS freshman Ashley Maxwell said. “Someone was trying to hand it to me outside [the Silver Center]. I didn’t realize it was fake at first, but then I thought, ‘Who gives away [free] New York Times?’”


Amanda Lorber is a staff writer. E-mail her at citystate@nyunews.com.

[Damage control]

http://www.nyunews.com/news/city_sta..._trick_readers

Holy shit I will never trust the NY times again!

[JDePietro]

And I almost got my hopes up...

[Sergeant Gabriel AuBuchon]

According to what General Eric K. Shinseki told us Honor Guards before his retirement ceremony, "You men know what happened with Korea. It's about 50 years later and it's still a duty station. You can bet that in another 50 years Iraq will be a duty station as well. And, there is a great possibility that you men will go out there soon to achieve this goal." And 3 months later the 3d U.S. Infantry Regiment "The Old Guard" put away their dress blues and M-14's and combat deployed for the first time since the Vietnam War.

Man I hope he was wrong about us still being there in 50 years. Saddam was a tyrant and is better dead. Most all Iraqis agree to this. But there 50 years later? I hope not. Sheesh.

[Shawn.L]

How the hell does fake news get cleared to post in the NEWS section? Esp when this news is supposed to be news that is pertinant to gun owners?

[Damage control]

How the hell does fake news get cleared to post in the NEWS section? Esp when this news is supposed to be news that is pertinant to gun owners?

Because it was a story of our gun owning brothers and sisters coming home from conflict as reported by one of the top news papers in the country. It is sad that they made a "joke" about it.

BTW we have a few members here who are deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Fake aside, I think it is "pertinent" to members here. The NY Times was a trusted source of information before this even if only half truths. The stories until now were never 100% fabricated.

[gnbrotz]

Because it was a story of our gun owning brothers and sisters coming home from conflict as reported by one of the top news papers in the country. It is sad that they made a "joke" about it.

BTW we have a few members here who are deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Fake aside, I think it is "pertinent" to members here. The NY Times was a trusted source of information before this even if only half truths. The stories until now were never 100% fabricated.

But the real NY Times organization had nothing to do with this - they just had their name slapped on it by someone - to help boost credibility and pass off their hoax as real.

If I were to fabricate an article about the overwhelming acceptance of OC, and how police across Pa. are welcoming it's resurgence, it wouldn't qualify as "news" just because I labeled it with the name of a real newspaper.

[Damage control]

If I were to fabricate an article about the overwhelming acceptance of OC, and how police across Pa. are welcoming it's resurgence, it wouldn't qualify as "news" just because I labeled it with the name of a real newspaper.

Wait......What? Your acting like I wrote it and labeled it with the NY times. Let me say this incase you missed it. I had no idea it was fake when I submitted it to the news. For it to get approved for the news the mod researching it must of also found it to be real, no harm no foul.

Click on the link and tell me it does not look "real".