Is your significant other prepared to help in an emergency?

[PeteG]

I originally posted this as a reply in another thread, pertaining to whether peoples' spouses "approve" of them carrying. It occurs to me this is another subject, so I'm starting it as a new thread.

I submit the question should not be whether one's spouse approves of them carrying; the question should be the extent to which one's spouse is willing or able to help in case of an emergency.

If one actually believes thier firearm is a potentially life-saving tool (as opposed articulating that belief as an excuse to carry a gun like exotic jewelry or a fancy toy), then one should insist to thier spouse that all concerned are going to learn how, when and why the gun will be used. It is either a matter of life and death or it is not.

If my wife told me not to have fire extinguishers in the house, I would tell her she's crazy. If she said, "OK . . . but I'm not going to use the things. If there's a fire, you deal with it; and if you are not here I will just let the house burn down," I would know she's crazy. I would also be apalled. It's a matter of responsiblity.

Not only does Betty approve of my carrying, she carries (unless she is going to work, where guns are prohibited). She prefers open carry due to the way she is built, and carries openly on many occasions.

If trouble finds us when we are out and about, I know what she is going to do and she knows what I am going to do. How do I know this? We have taken the extraordinary step of WORKING IT OUT IN ADVANCE.

We have certain code words that mean "I'm about to shoot somebody - stop what you are doing and focus on this." We also have our procedures regarding where the other person is supposed to go, how they are supposed to get there (e.g., don't walk in front of me) and what they are supposed to do if that code word is ever used. (In rough terms, she and I will move apart and jointly deal with whatever problem is known to us, then she will cover our six while I move us through whatever is going on.)

All this takes about an hour to work out. It can be practiced at many ranges, live fire, and costs nothing more than any other form of practice. Yet, I bet not one couple in 20 has even DISCUSSED the issue, let alone practiced thier respective jobs with live fire.

I find comfort in the fact it is not all going to be on me if something terrible happens. But even if one's spouse can or will do no more than shut up and get out of the way, at least that much should be worked out. The last thing one would need in the event of a life-threatening emergency is someone crawling up thier arm and shrieking.

Basic firearms tactics for homeowners; it is much more important than what kind of fandango cartridge one is loading, or how many MRE's one has stored. I cannot imagine why so many people neglect this obvious aspect of preparing for trouble.

[Emptymag]

Excellent post/topic.

I've discussed this with my wife, but not to the extent that I should have.

The "plans" don't only apply to times when you hear a "bump in the night", or if some nut starts shooting while you're out having dinner.
For example, We returned home last week to find our garage door open. I'm not going to say I "cleared" the house, because I don't have any real training in such things. First, I checked the basement, retrieved a firearm for my wife,(mine was already on me)and told her to stay "right HERE" so I would know where she was as I checked the rest of the house. Turns out, there was no bad guy, something had fallen and caused the garage door to auto-reverse when it was closing.(good reason to try and watch that the door closes and stays closed, before leaving)

Can't say that I did much of anything correctly, but at least I knew where my wife was in relation to where I was if I needed to fire. Having both of us randomly wandering through the house, guns drawn, in search of a "bad guy" could become a tragedy real quick without some sort of "plan". A code word that identifies/alerts your significant other that you are about to enter the room she/he is in is a good idea too. It would kinda suck to be shot by your wife who thinks you're the bad guy because you wandered into the room with a gun unannounced.

Thanks for the reminder Pete. Important stuff.

[PeteG]

Excellent post/topic.

For example, We returned home last week to find our garage door open. I'm not going to say I "cleared" the house, because I don't have any real training in such things. First, I checked the basement, retrieved a firearm for my wife,(mine was already on me)and told her to stay "right HERE" so I would know where she was as I checked the rest of the house. Turns out, there was no bad guy, something had fallen and caused the garage door to auto-reverse when it was closing.(good reason to try and watch that the door closes and stays closed, before leaving)

Can't say that I did much of anything correctly, but at least I knew where my wife was in relation to where I was if I needed to fire. Having both of us randomly wandering through the house, guns drawn, in search of a "bad guy" could become a tragedy real quick without some sort of "plan". A code word that identifies/alerts your significant other that you are about to enter the room she/he is in is a good idea too. It would kinda suck to be shot by your wife who thinks you're the bad guy because you wandered into the room with a gun unannounced.

Thanks for the reminder Pete. Important stuff.

It was, in my estimation, constructive to insist your wife stay in one, known location. The question becomes why you put yourself at risk. Over what?

The correct move when you come home and for any reason you think there might be someone in there is DO NOT GO IN THERE. It's not worth it.

We are all reticent to "make a fuss" by calling the police. But, think about it. You were sufficiently concerned that a situation existed which would require the use of deadly force to get a firearm for your wife. What was in there worth killing or getting shot over? I will wager there was nothing in there worth dying for (other than kids, if that happens to be the case). In fact, there was almost certainly nothing in there worth the expense and hassle and risk which would ensue if you had to fire shots, even if nobody was actually hit.

This is what we pay police to do. You are not police. Most police are well prepared to do this. The police will come if you call them, and you have all the time in the world if you don't go in there and go someplace else. The police will not mind a false alarm. Most will recognize you did the sensible thing in calling them and not going in there. Go across the street, dial 911, and wait.

As for code words, keep it very simple. Don't have a lot of codes. If you are going to enter a room where your armed spouse is, "Marsha, it's me" will work just fine. She knows your voice, and should be paying attention. She can respond with something cryptic, like, "O.K. Bill. Come on ahead."

People often get tangled up in all sorts of codes and code words. I suggest having only one, simple code phrase, to alert your wife to imminent trouble when you happen to be in a public place and do not want to start a panic or alert the goblin to your intentions. That phrase means: "We are or are about to be in extremis. I am considering shooting someone. Leave the area directly, get clear and dial 911. Do no finish your coffee. Do not finish your phone conversation - abruptly and immediately hang up without explaining you have to go or saying good-bye or saying anything at all. Do not get your purse. Do not find your other shoe. Do not ask any questions. Do not say "huh." Do not say anything at all. Walk away from the area with your cell phone (which we know you carry on your belt or in your pocket and not in your !@$* purse), and call the police."

Do everything else in English.

"Betty - GUN!" works. (Note this phrase will elicit a different response than the code phrase, and will be used when discretion is no longer important.)

If you have a spouse (or roomate or co-worker) with whom you can work, you will need some standard communication tools. "COVER" means "I need to stop, and you are to stay here and watch over me. It does not matter why . . . I just want you to know I can't fight with my weapon right now." It also means stand slightly in front of me and to one side, so if you are obliged to shoot you won't shoot past me. "Got it" means "I heard you and I am standing overwatch." "I'm UP" says, "I am again ready; let's proceed."

"Go" and "no" are indistinguishable when you are so scared you can't control your bladder, and/or in the midst of noise and confusion.

"GREEN" and "RED" are favored by some. O.K., although I'm not sure what the advantage is. I can tell you it is a hoot when three teams of students are all advancing on the same range and one guy yells red and most of the the members of the other two teams all think it was thier partner who issued the signal.

Your wife, brother or co-worker should know your voice and the tones you use - take advantage of that fact.

"The blue dog barks at midnight" is gibberish, and way too long. You will not have the time.

Start small. Practice, and work up from there.

A short course helps. Courses always help. I know courses have helped me a great deal.

But then, in order to take a course, one must admit they don't already know, which, although true, causes many to hold forth with a wide array of excuses.

Hey, you get it or you don't. It's worth it to you to benefit from other people's experience, or it's not.

The inescapable fact is that in the end, one will default to the level of his or her training; and if they are untrained only luck will save them.

[KLiQ]

The correct move when you come home and for any reason you think there might be someone in there is DO NOT GO IN THERE. It's not worth it.

I completely agree

I am considering shooting someone.

I completely disagree - I'm either shooting you or not shooting you. If I have to consider shooting you - I probably shouldn't be shooting you

[phillyd2]

For example, We returned home last week to find our garage door open. I'm not going to say I "cleared" the house, because I don't have any real training in such things. First, I checked the basement, retrieved a firearm for my wife,(mine was already on me)and told her to stay "right HERE" so I would know where she was as I checked the rest of the house. Turns out, there was no bad guy, something had fallen and caused the garage door to auto-reverse when it was closing.(good reason to try and watch that the door closes and stays closed, before leaving)

Sorry "EM" but that was a bonehead move. Next time please call the cops and just pull out of the driveway until they clear your house. I say this because I've done the same so I feel safe saying it was pretty dumb of me.

[PeteG]

I completely disagree - I'm either shooting you or not shooting you. If I have to consider shooting you - I probably shouldn't be shooting you

Well, that point of view does have the advantage of simplicity. But is has substantial legal, ethical, moral and practical (meaning financial) flaws.

Few things in life warrant more consideration than the decision to inflict grevious bodily harm on another human being. The matter should be considered, extensively, in advance. The matter should then also be considered in the moment, under the actual circumstances then prevailing.

In the environment in which almost all of us lead our daily lives, the decision to shoot should be a decision to shoot; not a reflex or mindless response. A decision of such importance warrants consideration. The decision may have to be made on a moment's notice, and the consideration therefore of necessity brief (which is what makes all the advance consideration so important).

You said it yourself: "I probably shouldn't be shooting you." Probability? You mean like odds or random chance? Or course not.

One must resolve the question only through consideration of your circumstances. One who shoots without consideration should not be carrying a gun at all, at least not in civilized society.

But that's another thread.

[KLiQ]

The matter should be considered, extensively, in advance.

I completely agree with that. Advance is the key word - I have told my wife if you ever see me pull my gun someone is getting shot - that's how strongly I feel about not pulling it out unless I've already made that decision -

In the environment in which almost all of us lead our daily lives, the decision to shoot should be a decision to shoot; not a reflex or mindless response. A decision of such importance warrants consideration. The decision may have to be made on a moment's notice, and the consideration therefore of necessity brief (which is what makes all the advance consideration so important).

Again I agree since you added the key word

You said it yourself: "I probably shouldn't be shooting you." Probability? You mean like odds or random chance? Or course not.

This time it was my poor choice of word - I meant "[SARCASM] probably [/SARCASM]

I really didn't mean to argue over semantics, but I guess I did - Overall I think spousal communication of what happens when SHTF is great and something I need to do more of - however I don't plan on having codewords for letting my wife know I'm considering to duck when the fan starts moving and the [stuff] starts flying

[PAhunter]

When my wife and I are out she has at times been the first to question something she has perceived to be out of place. Usually easily explained but it does show she is paying attention.
She has had her PLTCF for sometime now. I have ensured she is proficient with her carry weapon via extensive range training as well as being well versed in all the do's and don'ts of concealed carry. I feel very confident in her ability to "back me up" should the situation arise as well as defend herself when she is alone.