Sailor's night before Christmas

[Rosco the Iroc]

One for all us squids-
(it figures I'm on the boat waiting out the last 1/2hr of duty so I can head north today)

Twas the night before Christmas, a calm night at sea
We nestled in our racks for Holiday Routine
When from the ventilation there came such a clatter
We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When out from the vent fell this big dust covered dude
He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude
Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes
"Don't goddamn stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose form the deck, then he peered all around
Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound
"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name
"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please f*ckin’ explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth
He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth
"Now, look here you bastards" he said as he strolled
"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!"
Then he looked down at the boots that lay at his feet
"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown
"Who the hell polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark
Even spotting dust bunnies, right there in the dark!
"You've got high dust and low dust, that overhead needs cleaning!"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick
"You'd better shit me an answer and SHIT ME ONE QUICK!”
The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard
"Now look right here shitbirds, this asshole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This damn deck it will shine!
I don't want to hear bitching! I need not hear you whine!"
So we gathered our foxtales, our buckets, and swabs
We all worked in silence to finish the job.
It took over an hour to finish our space
He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face
Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff
"Now this is more like it! NOW your not so f*cked up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts
But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-shits!?"
"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!
Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like forever ‘til reveille sounded
We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded
But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?
But a pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer…
Attached to the buffer, we found a short note
We all gathered 'round to see what he’d wrote
"Next year at Christmas, best have all your shit wired!"
Signed:
Fair Winds,
S.C. Clause
BMCM(Retired)

[ReconLdr]

One for all us squids-
(it figures I'm on the boat waiting out the last 1/2hr of duty so I can head north today)

Twas the night before Christmas, a calm night at sea
We nestled in our racks for Holiday Routine
When from the ventilation there came such a clatter
We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When out from the vent fell this big dust covered dude
He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude
Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes
"Don't goddamn stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose form the deck, then he peered all around
Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound
"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name
"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please f*ckin’ explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth
He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth
"Now, look here you bastards" he said as he strolled
"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!"
Then he looked down at the boots that lay at his feet
"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown
"Who the hell polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark
Even spotting dust bunnies, right there in the dark!
"You've got high dust and low dust, that overhead needs cleaning!"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick
"You'd better shit me an answer and SHIT ME ONE QUICK!”
The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard
"Now look right here shitbirds, this asshole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This damn deck it will shine!
I don't want to hear bitching! I need not hear you whine!"
So we gathered our foxtales, our buckets, and swabs
We all worked in silence to finish the job.
It took over an hour to finish our space
He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face
Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff
"Now this is more like it! NOW your not so f*cked up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts
But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-shits!?"
"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!
Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like forever ‘til reveille sounded
We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded
But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?
But a pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer…
Attached to the buffer, we found a short note
We all gathered 'round to see what he’d wrote
"Next year at Christmas, best have all your shit wired!"
Signed:
Fair Winds,
S.C. Clause
BMCM(Retired)

Ha, ha.... Shitbirds... I haven't hear that in years. The Army frowns when I talk like that. Merry Christmas Swabbie... Where will you get your Christmas Liberty? I have done a few winter Med Floats, we always stopped in Italy for the holidays.

[DaveM55]

Have a fine Navy day.

[PirateSteve]

Bravo Zulu shipmate!

Thank God I'm the only sailor in the family! I'm more anal about cleaning than my mom ever was, but I at least have the decency to hide it when I'm at their house I find calling my folks shitbags when I'm visiting tends to make my dinner taste funny! Thanks to everyone away from home this year! I'm lucky enough to have my 2nd Christmas at home in a row this year!

[Dannytheman]

Merry Christmas to all the sailors. Shallow or deep water certified!!

As an old Boats, I would say his language was a little tame....

[fingers80002]

Merry Christmas from the Air Wing!!!!

[Rosco the Iroc]

Ha, ha.... Shitbirds... I haven't hear that in years. The Army frowns when I talk like that. Merry Christmas Swabbie... Where will you get your Christmas Liberty? I have done a few winter Med Floats, we always stopped in Italy for the holidays.

I went home to Allentown. We are inport Norfolk right now. Thanks to the Enterprise being a soupsandwitch our deployment has been pushed back, but I was looking like this would be the 2nd of 3 years I did xmas in the sandbox in Dubi.

[fingers80002]

I went home to Allentown. We are inport Norfolk right now. Thanks to the Enterprise being a soupsandwitch our deployment has been pushed back, but I was looking like this would be the 2nd of 3 years I did xmas in the sandbox in Dubi.

You want a soupsandwich, come to Hanover , spend 1 day with me........

BTW, thanks for the memories!!!!! Soupsandwich.... Classic!!!!!!!

[Belasarius]

Howdy shipmates!

Nice to read something that makes me remember how salt air smells and mess deck coffee tarnishes spoons.


FCCS(SW) Retired
USS Bainbridge CGN25
USS Gallery FFG26 Plankowner
USS Nicholas FFG47 Plankowner
USS Clark FFG11

[ReconLdr]

Howdy shipmates!

Nice to read something that makes me remember how salt air smells and mess deck coffee tarnishes spoons.


FCCS(SW) Retired
USS Bainbridge CGN25
USS Gallery FFG26 Plankowner
USS Nicholas FFG47 Plankowner
USS Clark FFG11

I have no idea what the squid cooks put in their coffee but you could run your car on that shit. I have been telling my fellow soldiers and Marines that no one knows how to make coffee like a Navy cook.

I have deployed on the USS Ashland 2x and the USS Manitowoc 2x.