What not to say to a LEO

[larrymeyer]

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't rea liz e my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says 'Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with,'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'

[djturnz]

While in North Carolina on vacation with my Wife, kids, inlaws, wife's cousins, we were driving back to the hotel at about 2am. My mother in law was driving her new SUV with driving lights. She forgot to turn on the headlights, but could see just fine with the driving lights.

We got pulled over and the officer said that she didn't have her headlights on.

"oh sorry, I didn't realize they weren't on"

"Have you been drinking tonight?"

"Nope, just coke"

I almost pissed my pants, as did everyone else in the car.

She didn't get it.

[Zef_66]

My wife always jokes with me that if we get pulled over, she is going to tell the cop to be careful because I like to argue and beat her up when I am drunk. Then I give her a smack to make sure she knows not to...

[Tsgtbob]

Oh my drunk, I'm not God officer!

How dare you pull over My Imperial Majesty!!!

Honest, I was swerving while I was looking for the pin in my Hand Grenade....

Seen my crack?

Got Pork?

[D-FENS]

Don't tase me, Bro!

[XD45]

Don't tase me, Bro!

oh man, that deserves a beer at drew mena's.. i love that shit!

[righteousbarbarian]

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

i LOLed to these 2

[RocketFoot]

"Yeah I know I was doin 85...I'd have been doin 125 if you didn't pull me over!"
"Since your a public servant, get me a glass of water!"
"Hmmm...I smell bacon!"

At the Canadian border..."Do you have any alcohol, tobacco or firearms?" "Why, what do you need?"