An explanaiton, not an excuse.

[stimpy17]

So who is this hot headed jerk Stimpy and why is he breathing our air?

In the last few days I've reached out to some members for a reality check about my behavior on this board. Their replies were straight to the point and blunt but also with a degree of compassion I wasn't expecting. As most of you know I am rather opinionated, often a class "A" jerk or other, that wants to beat the dead horse today then pick up where I left off next week. In reading their responses and the one's left after my posts "jerk" is being kind.

I want to think I'm open minded but obviously I'm not. I tell myself that so-n-so has problems and needs to change but again it's me that needs the attitude adjustment. Truth is I can't change another point of view,opinion,thought process or value system and I wouldn't take kindly to anyone who forcefully tried to change mine.

I grew up with a parent that was physically and mentally abusive(a bully) and I was too young to protect any of us from it and so I took it, for years. How well I know the signs of this abuse, the words, tones and mannerisms. Today when I see this and maybe the best way to describe it would be a light switch being turned on, I turn on. So in getting back to the responses from the members here I realized I had become that which I detest and hate the most, a bully. Understand this was never my intent. I wanted to stop what I saw as one person with a higher position here pick on others that I saw being weaker but again perhaps I was wrong. Then as things escalated I saw what I had become and what others were saying and the insanity involved. There's a "church group" I belong to that has a saying that goes, "The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over expecting different results."
I apologize to those that feel I have hurt them and especially to those I intentionally tried to hurt.

I am going to try to re-establish myself here and learn from my mistakes. Perhaps the best thing for all is now to move on.

PS, if you still want to rip me a new one please, PM me.

[lildobe]

The fact that you've reached out and also made a public apology is a good indicator of your true self, underneath all of these facades we put up on the Internet.

I'd give you some positive rep to make up for the neg I gave you previously./.. but the system won't let me. :/

The offer for lunch and a range trip remains open I'll shoot you a PM when I plan my next one. I like to go either when they open in the morning on Saturday or Sunday or in the afternoon on a weekday.

[God's Country]

I guess I must be asleep because I'm not familiar with many of your posts.
Judging by your rep vs. post count apparently some feel you are abrasive.
I do know that it takes a big pair of brass ones to air your emotional state publicly, so Kudos’, and stick around.

[slicknick131]

I've never talked to you or even really noticed any such a-hole posts (I'm usually off in my own world, though), but I can't see anything wrong with you wanting to make amends with the forum and people on here you've offended.

EDIT: I did find out what led up to this post. Dude, leave your baggage at the door.

[IV_Warrior]

I'd give you some positive rep to make up for the neg I gave you previously./.. but the system won't let me. :/

Ok, I did it for ya. That, and since he actually had the stones to make the post. We all screw up, and some even come across different online than they would in real life. Most don't apologize for it, and make a conscious effort to "do better".

[Emptymag]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here the way you did stimpy.
Stay focused.

[Autonomous]

Yo stimpy, I commend you for putting your shit on the table. It tales allot to do that. Have to say I have avoided any run in with you. Know you have pissed many folks off. But admitting a problem is the beginning....

I am going to try to re-establish myself here and learn from my mistakes. Perhaps the best thing for all is now to move on.

I am a bit concerned about this part. Brother, know that if you are trying to get over some problem you will have to face your past aggression and admit/own it. That is the ultimate challenge...
Good luck.
-A

[Montanya]

Not gonna + rep ya yet, I can appreciate an apology, but your actions will prove your intentions. For now you have been removed from my ignore list, and may you never make it back there again.

[Atomic Dog]

Not gonna + rep ya yet, I can appreciate an apology, but your actions will prove your intentions. For now you have been removed from my ignore list, and may you never make it back there again.

It appears Monty said everything I was going to say. Good first steps Stimpy, stay focused and you will be fine.

[soberbyker]

Keep moving forward, One Day At A Time,

Bill