At least one good one

[larrymeyer]

A Cow's Tail

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''

'I don't remember much after that'
************************************************** ********
Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway on the
opening day of deer season. They both saw a trophy-class buck
meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot,
a funeral procession came by slowly. The hunter lowered his gun,
took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession
had passed. Of course, by then, the deer was long gone. The other
hunter exclaimed "Wow! That was the most sportsman like act I've
ever seen!You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing
such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed.
You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen
throughout the world!" The first hunter nodded and said, "Well, we
were married for 42 years."
_______________
Â
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new
Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.The teacher
said,"Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said
'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces,
except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry,
 1775' he said.'Very good!'Who said 'Government of the People, by
the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'Again,
no response except from Chandrasekha r. 'Abraham Lincoln,
1863' said Chandrasekhar.The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class,
you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country,
knows more about its history than you do.'She heard a loud whisper:
'Fuck the Indians,''Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar
put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'At that point, a student in the
back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'The teacher glares around and asks
'All right! Now, who said that?'Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George
Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'Now furious, another
student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'Chandrasekhar jumps out of his
chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to
Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'Now with almost mob hysteria someone
said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'Chandrasekhar
frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child
witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'The teacher fainted.And as the
class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh
shit, we're screwed!'And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was
the American people, November 4th, 2008

************************************************** ********

[dman]

Very funny ,we all need a little laugh, but,I'll warn you now ,! YOU DON"T WANT ME TO GET ALL JOKEN AND ALL !! YOU WOULD NOT LIKE ME WHEN I'M JOKEN !! PLEASE NO JOKEN !!I JUST CAN'T STOP WHEN I GET TO JOKEN!!
OH NOooo!!
What happens when snails fight ?---they slug it out !

What do they call hail in florida ?--hardboiled rain !

How do french poodles greet ?--Bone-jour !

What's the strongest bird ?--a crane ! You see ,I told you so .............

[TaurusGuy]

Wife jokes never get old!

[dman]

Wife jokes never get old!

Well,me and the boys gather and head on down for coffee at the local greasy
spoon .We order up and strike up some casual conversation,the weather ,
work ,sports , and whatever ! My friend asks me ,don't you have a anniversary comein up soon , Yup !Then he asks, didn't we go to Florida for our anniversary two years ago ?Yup Then he asks ,you gonna do anything
special ? Yup ! May be I'll go back to Florida and pick her up !

[dman]

On my 50th. anniversary celebration, I was asked ,what have you learned after all these wonderful years of marriage, --l replied- loyalty ,meekness ,
forebearence ,self restraint ,forgiveness and a whole lot of other qualities I wouldn't have needed had I not gotten married in the first place !!

My wife's running down the street after the garbage truck with a bag of garbage in her hand .The driver of the truck looks back at her and she yells,
is it to late ? He looks at her and says ,no , jump in !

I take my wife everywhere , but she keeps finding her way back !!