Shrine to the infamous Mall Ninja - Gecko45

[jgnp15333]

Found this via BoingBoing.net

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Just a snippet:

If a kid picks up a candy bar and runs, you give him a warning before you cuff him. Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded. Fortunately, wounding fire to suppress teenage kleptomaniacs is relatively easy, they all run in straight lines, and a hit in the knee will be relatively simple from the second floor. But they all get a warning first, we do not simply shoot shoplifters unless they resist violently. Buttstroking those who attempt to injure me is another story.

This isn't the same fellow who harvests people for nourishment with a suppressed .22 and hauls his gear in a tactical wheel-barrow, is it?

[ham385]

Excellent reading. I always wondered where the term came from.

[DaveM55]

This isn't the same fellow who harvests people for nourishment with a suppressed .22 and hauls his gear in a tactical wheel-barrow, is it?

No that was Gunkid.

[jsb889]

Man, tonight is just full of laughter. I love it. I've never seen where the mall ninja thing started.

[jgnp15333]

More delicious snippets:

"I did a quick tactical reload, grabbed the 870P from the harness on my back, and did some rolls over to the movie theater and back flipped over the concession counter while unloading the 5 rounds of 000 into the skeeball machine."

"One time I had to do an dynamic entry on the ladies bathroom, because some freak had snuck in there and was trying to smear excrement on one of the lady patrons.

You should have seen the look on his face when I pulled my Mark23 on him, I think he made another little mess in his pants."

This guy is the most hilarious thing to ever hit the interweb.



Oh, and thanks Dave M55 - I forgot all about Gunkid. Someone should harvest all of his shenanigans and compile it as well.

[phillyshooter]

But then again I think of the mayors nephew, his face distored with tears and terror, the GAP employees who asked for my autograph, and had to settle for a cover identity’s signature, the flashbangs, and their acrid scent, the small of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot

This stuff is too damn funny.

[imashooter2]

I've always thought SPECOPS was just posting to pull Gecko deeper into the hole. His last post is comic genius! 5 heavily armed "perps" with Rusky night vision come to steal the Mortal Combat arcade game...

[TravisBickle]

Man, tonight is just full of laughter. I love it. I've never seen where the mall ninja thing started.

I think it was some idiot on Arfcom a few years back.

[Siobhra]

Now I know what I will be at the next costume party. Mall Ninja.

[PA Rifleman]

Unfortunately it ends with:

"For all those who don't know, this is what the "mall ninja" does. Pure parody, absolutely hilarious and it only gets funnier when people make the mistake of taking them seriously.
LOCKED to prevent further abuse."