Divorce America

[Kimba]

Just got this e-mail. The kid makes sense.



DIVORCE AGREEMENT



THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
OUTSTANDING.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion.. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..


Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

[crlovel]

I can agree with this.

[Tootie]

Personally I don't want either of which he speaks of.


What I want is our party to be the party it was when I started voting back in the dinosaur years. What I want is a government that follows the constitution, limits what it can and cannot do, stays out of my household and let me believe in what I want to believe. I want politicians that actually represent their constituents and not ones that falsely claim to but then turn around and vote the way they are told to by their party. I want a government that is afraid of "the people" because it is us that can vote them out and "change" the course of our great nation. I want what this country was designed to be by our founding fathers.

Oh and I'll expect the original 13 as my portion of this divide, but I will settle for the entire east coast if that's acceptable. The middle and west can be divvied up by the rest of you

[ehidle]

There it is... my morning chuckle

Where is the provision that they can send us their citizens that become too successful and we'll send them ours that decide they don't want to pull their own weight anymore? I think there needs to be a very clear cross-migration clause built into it.

[PocketProtector]

And after it's done they get the divorce lawyers too...right???

[ehidle]

And after it's done they get the divorce lawyers too...right???

No, I think there was some clause in there dealing with them... something about chains and the bottom of the ocean, or something...

[Decholder]

I like where this guy's head is at! Of course, I hope and pray that the country will one day do a 180 and cling to the Constitution once more...but I fear that this may be nothing more than childish hopes and dreams. And after seeing all the spite and hatred towards all sides of politics, if simply making a bargain as the one described would help ease the animosity....well then I'm all for it. But again, I'd rather see the people force the government back to what it is supposed to be doing.

[PocketProtector]

No, I think there was some clause in there dealing with them... something about chains and the bottom of the ocean, or something...

Good alternative

[Guns4Fun]

Nah, I have a better idea. I'm all for the divorce thing but.... instead of splitting the USA in half we should send those liberals back to England. After all, our current administration and his supports are driving us down that road.

Why should we need to split America in half?

I just watched a news program yesterday where England wants to increase payroll taxes from 40% to 50% on those earning over 200k usd. I think our liberal friends would fit in well over there.

[Lady Beretta]

Small world, I believe I am related to him.

Fwd'd to a bunch of relatives.