Those wonderful Church Bulletins

**larrymeyer** · June 9th, 2009, 03:05 PM

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank
> God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the
> BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church
> services:
> --------------------------
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> --------------------------
> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
> The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
> --------------------------
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
> get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
> husbands.
> --------------------------
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
> community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who
> doesn't care much about you.
> --------------------------
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> --------------------------
> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way
> again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> --------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it,
> we have a nursery downstairs.
> --------------------------
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They
> need all the help they can get.
> --------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October
> 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> --------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
> church hall. Music will follow.
> --------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
> be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> --------------------------
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
> addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> --------------------------
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
> items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> --------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with
> the deceased person you want remembered.
> --------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
> entertainment and gracious hostility.
> --------------------------
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
> medication to follow.
> --------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
> every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> --------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
> the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> --------------------------
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
> AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
> Is done.
> --------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
> Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
> next Sunday.
> --------------------------
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
> PM. Please use the back door.
> --------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
> Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
> attend this tragedy.
> --------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
> Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> --------------------------
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
> campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
>