Significant Other Doesn't Like Guns...

[addicted2freedom]

I sort of had the opposite situation. I was uncomfortable around guns-- not out of fear or anything-- just never held or used one. My girlfriend (now wife-- grew up on a farm) bought me a 2 hour lesson at a local firing range. I used to play first-person shooter video games, so she thought I'd find it fun. Boy did I! She bought me a Ruger 10/22 for that xmas, and I've been hooked since.

My point is... maybe you should get her comfortable around guns first. Have her learn to use them. I'd take her to a lesson. I think it's different when a 'stranger' is the teacher. After she has a working knowledge of guns, maybe she'll be more receptive to having a loaded one in your nightstand.

Also, show her this site so she knows you're not just being paranoid

[KBoy420]

Thanks for more replies. The gun has been in the drawer for a few nights, no real discussion. Last night she heard me loading it before bed and was all "did I just hear you loading a gun in here..." haha. I had to laugh and say "no, I was making sure it was already loaded before we fall asleep". Maybe I will just put one in the chamber and not tell her for a week. That's how I got her to try deer. Best BBQ she ever had until she found out.

Thanks for the armed citizen link. Didn't know they were online. I have been marking articles in my NRA magazines that come.

As an aside, I also received a legislative action postcard from them this week. If you guys haven't, do what you can. I went online and sent letters.

Thanks.

[jaseman]

This is a pretty common dilemma. When we first started dating, my wife wanted nothing to do with guns. She knew I had them, and knew I carried, but preferred a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. She knew where my HD gun was kept (loaded) and just never even went near that drawer.

After we moved in together, I insisted she go to the range with me a few times, just so she knew how it operated, and what to expect when firing it, should she ever need to defend herself when I wasn't home. She was still very apprehensive about a loaded firearm in the house for a long time, but at least she was educated in proper use, and wasn't afraid of it getting up on it's own and shooting someone.

When our daughter started to grow into a curious toddler, she started to become uncomfortable with a loaded firearm in the house again (and quite frankly, so was I). But she also started to really grasp the importance of home defense. So we bought a quick access safe, and more importantly, I took her for a refresher trip to the range. The range trip, this time, really made her much more comfortable. She enjoyed it so much, that we bought her her own handgun to shoot.



Nothing works better to ease a significant other's fears than familiarity. Having her watch you break down your XD to see how it works is a good start. Have her not only watch, but do it herself a few times, so she really understands the mechanics. Convince her to go to the range with you, even if just to watch. Just observing safe operation can go along way. And when she's ready (you can't force it), teach her to shoot. After a few trips, she'll realize there is absolutely nothing to fear from a firearm when treated responsibly. Also, it might not be a bad idea, if you can afford it, to get her her own pistol. Something she likes, that fits in her hands, and the she helps to choose (this is what is really working for us). When she takes ownership in the experience, it helps to go a long way in her attitude and understanding of firearms. Just like anything else, she'll enjoy it more if she's doing it for herself.

As for keeping the loaded firearm in the house, if she becomes comfortable shooting, most likely, she'll be more comfortable with it in the nightstand. If it's still an issue, buy a safe. Again, let her help with the process. Do what we did, and discuss her need to keep the firearm secure, and your need to have it easily accessed in an emergency.


Don't know if any of this helps you or not, but it's what worked for me. Now my wife is perfectly comfortable with both my HD guns being kept loaded at all times, as the 3 year old can't access them, and since she has her own pistol, she bugs me all the time to find a sitter and take her to the range!

[KBoy420]

Good tips. I will giver her credit. She did go to the LGS/range by herself and buy me a giftcard for Valentine's day.

[Grey Bearded One]

Maybe I will just put one in the chamber and not tell her for a week.

Oh, I can see that being an excuse for you to sleep on the couch.

[Shisno]

Good tips. I will giver her credit. She did go to the LGS/range by herself and buy me a giftcard for Valentine's day.

She's a keeper. She'll come around eventually, just be patient and take your time.

[jaseman]

Thanks for more replies. The gun has been in the drawer for a few nights, no real discussion. Last night she heard me loading it before bed and was all "did I just hear you loading a gun in here..." haha. I had to laugh and say "no, I was making sure it was already loaded before we fall asleep". Maybe I will just put one in the chamber and not tell her for a week. That's how I got her to try deer. Best BBQ she ever had until she found out.

Just my opinion, but really bad idea. Not that I have any problems with one in the pipe, but it's both a 'trust' issue and a 'safety' issue at the same time.

If she finds out, it can throw off her trust in you, especially in regards to firearms. It's a step backwards from where you want to be. Might seem like a little thing, but when you're trying to make her comfortable around guns, all levels of trust are a big deal.

As for safety, I'm a firm believer that all adults in the house, who have access to the firearm, should be aware of their condition of readiness. Whether or not she plans on going near it is irrelevant. Should she become curious about it while you're not in the room (as unlikely as that may seem), she needs to know it's condition. Or, if she's alone, and needs to draw it to protect herself, she needs to know it's condition.

Just my two cents though...

[PocketProtector]

You will be MUCH happier with a girl who like guns.. She'll be tolerant of your habit until sometime after the NUPTIALS.
jmho

[GunLawyer001]

"You sound just like my ex-girlfriend..."

I had a situation like this when I started carrying.

When I first started dating my girlfriend I wasn't 21 yet. And I only owned an AR-15. When I first showed it to her, it was field stripped with the upper and lower separate. She was so fearful of guns that she was in the opposite corner of the room and wouldn't take a step towards it. After a few weeks of just talking calmly about guns, I got her to dry fire the lower (I had my hand stop the hammer so no damage happened to the rifle). That was all. Just simple baby steps. Then I turned 21 and got two handguns that day and immediately took them to the range with her and my patents. There she shot her first gun that day. Actually she shot 4 but her favorite was a 38 special 4 inch revolver. She enjoyed herself but she still wasn't comfortable with guns yet. So we took it very slow. We compromised that I would carry when we were out of the house but put the gun in a handgun safe while at the house. It was still readily accessible but it wasn't on me which was the hardest part for her to accept. For the first two months of carrying, she wouldn't even hug me if I had it on. But eventually that stopped. Also for a few months after that, her hand would pull away if it brushed the gun in it's holster. But after a while that stopped too. Also for the first year, she didn't want to see it if I had it on (out of sight out of mind). But that has stopped now and nowadays I OC at home 24/7. Now she is comforted by me being armed and only dislikes it when she wants to cuddle on the couch. She is also talking about getting her LTCF and we've been looking at small 9mm handguns for her. The key is being patient with her and not to rush it. Stay firm in your conviction to be a gun owner, but let her get accustomed to it at her own pace. Also, try to casually talk about guns in an informative way. But never talk down to her. And don't over load her with info.

This reminded me of two things:

First, I had a raccoon that would swing through the neighborhood, and I threw peanuts out on the porch (for the squirrels) and the raccoon would come up for them. I used much the same strategy, and had much the same skittish responses, until eventually the coon would climb up on the porch swing with me and I'd feed him peanuts and almonds by hand.

The other context involves Penthouse Forum letters and reluctant wives and girlfriends. I will say no more about that.

[Exbiker]

My wife doesn't care for firearms, doesn't had them but has no interest. Been married since 1973 and it's not a problem. I wouldn't expect a spouse or girlfriend to have every interest I have but I would expect them to not criticize or stop me from pursuing my interests.

Not a big deal.