Chuck Norris

[P89]

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/page1.html

So which one is your favorite?

Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.

Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hits.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

Not my favorites but they fit the forum.

[Koli01]

My favorite is .......

Charles Bronson wipes his ass with Chuck Norris' mustache.

[awkx]

Type "Find Chuck Norris" into Google and click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.
www.google.com/search?q=Find+Chuck+Norris&btnI

Editted to add: Don't forget the "Find" in "Find Chuck Norris".

[RocketFoot]

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the IV needle, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris has actually been dead for years. Death is afraid to come get him.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. And got one.

[Tsgtbob]

ROFLAMO over this one.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

[dnar]

THESE ARE MY FAVES. . .

When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame.

Chuck Norris can make onions CRY!

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Chuck Norris wipes his a$$ with chain mail and sandpaper.

Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

[djturnz]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

[P-11 shooter]

Chuck Norris dosn't believe in the periodic table of the elements.

Chuck Norris only believes in the element of SURPRISE.

[Zef_66]

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

[CrazyWhiteGuy]

On his birthday Chuck Norris throws a lucky child in to the sun.

Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer, the only problem is that Chuck Norris doesn't cry.

When Chuck Norris falls into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris'd

Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity........twice!

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until they give him the information that he wants!

When the boogey man goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.