Does your wife/husband/significant other oppose you carrying?

[gnbrotz]

I'm curious how anyone is dealing/has dealt with someone close who doesn't like the fact that they carry. In my situation, I've found that as time passes, my wife seems to be becoming more opposed to it, rather than more comfortable with it.

In April, when I purchased my first pistol, I told my wife that I was going to apply for my LTCF, and intended to carry, though I didn't know how much. After I received the LTCF, we had a bit of a 'conversation' the first time I put on the gun to go to the store together (CC). Despite my clear stating of my intentions, she thought I wouldn't actually bother carrying.

After her initial shock and a seemingly good talk about this issue, I asked her to cut me some slack. I told her that the first time she saw me doing something that seemed careless or unsafe, to let me know. She agreed.

Since I've discovered OC, I've never done it with her along. I attempted one time, and she said it bothered her. I agreed to cover up as a compromise.

While my pistol was having some work done, I actually missed carrying it. I made a conscious decision that I would carry pretty much any time I legally could, and have followed through with that for the last three weeks. My wife is increasingly expressing her distaste for my carrying, even CC. She has no problem with myself and our son shooting for recreation. She has shot my pistol at the range. The issue is clearly carrying. We've discussed things several times, but don't seem to be making much progress. I expect we will continue to do so, but since we both seem to be firm in our positions, I don't see any progress being made. I thought the experience of others might be valuable to our situation. We've talked of 'compromise', but even that means different things to each of us. To me it means the choice between OC and CC, to her it means bringing the gun or leaving it at home.

I believe that neither one of us should do something they're uncomfortable with simply to placate the other. To me, this means if she is uncomfortable with the gun, that I'll run an errand alone. To her, this means I've chosen to be "with the gun" rather than with her. Clearly, if she will never accompany me while armed, and I carry all of the time, we've instantly created a very bad situation.

She views my decision to carry as an "extreme" one, and wonders what has made me so "paranoid" that I think this is a necessary measure. I've tried to relate that while I believe there is no such thing as a "safe" place in today's world (including my home), this does not make me paranoid. I'm not peeking from behind the curtains waiting to blast anyone who dares cross my property line, but if a BG ever chooses to force their way into my home, I will be more prepared to deal with it than if I was unarmed. I've jokingly asked if she prefer that assuming we're together, I'm carrying, and we encounter a BG, should I not use my firearm as a means to defend her? I didn't really get a clear answer to that, other than I'm paranoid for assuming we'll have such an encounter.

One specific situation that we have to deal with in a couple of weeks is a wedding for my wife's friend. Both the bride and groom are outdoor types, not gun-haters by any stretch. The groom's party is even having camo cummerbunds, etc. for the wedding. My wife thinks that because the wedding is in a church, that even CC would be taboo, even "disrespectful". I've asked if her feeling would change if I called the bride and groom and got 'permission' to carry (though they would never know I had CC'd), she said that even an 'ok' from them would do little to change her feelings.

I love my wife deeply, and would never choose any material possession over her. I also feel very strongly about my decision to be armed. After all, it is her and my son that I am concerned with protecting, even more so than protecting myself.

If it came down to losing the guns or losing my wife, the guns would go, but there would certainly be a deep resentment over it, which would likely continue to create new problems.

[righteousbarbarian]

I told my sister. she said, and i quote "but rednecks have guns."

I haven't had the heart to tell my parents yet. I'm an independent adult now, but they worry a lot. In case it's not obvious, I didn't grow up in a gun owning family.

[ironhorse]

My wife didn't know for several years that I had pistols. Until one day she found my carry piece under the front seat of my truck. (SHE went snooping). That really bothered her, ALLOT!!!!!!. I told hear how I came about Buying THAT ONE. She understood, but was still uncomfortable. She had a deal when she was younger that her father held a pistol to her mom (@#$HOLE). Thus she has always had a dislike for them. Well as time grew,, she knew to trust me with it. As I have with other things I had to prove to her throughout the years..(been together for 33 years. Married for 30 in November ). Well she is getting more comfortable with the idea of having or carrying as time goes on. This past month we bought her a Taurus PT22, for her carry piece and got her LTCF.. Hers license took 2 weeks to get. We plan on breaking her in by carrying it during hunting season. And taking it slowly from there. She'll carry it in her Blazer off and on. Last week I showed her the Taurus 6" 357 Mag that I have had for 6 years. That didn't upset her as much.

[Michele]

Ok, i'm going to try to give you a womans point of view. Please don't think i'm being picky-une
In one of your sentences you used the phrase "I told my wife". Maybe you should have fully discussed you purchasing a pistol and getting an LTCF with your wife. Ok, next, your son. How does mommy feel about her son using a firearm? I know personally that my son using a firearm scares the shit out of me.
Her husband is changing he looks different, he acts different, and i'm sure that scares her. Guns have a tendency to make people invincible. This scares her too.
Ok, here it comes---holding her in your arms is the ultimate protection for her, thats where she feels the safest, and secure. In your arms! The gun to her is a cold piece of steel, uninviting and scary.
Good Luck!

[markheck1]

Mine doesn't really mind, she gives me a funny look sometimes, but that's about it. She's hugged me a coupe times, and said HMMM...what's that, and laughed. I usually carry SOB. She thinks open carry is a little weird still.

[Stack]

I feel for you gnbrotz. My wife has never been a fan of weapons and most of what I had when we met were rifles. When I first decided I wanted my LTCF she wasn't thrilled and couldn't understand why I would want such a thing. We managed to talk it out and I managed to sway her. Phew!

My LTCF arrived today and we just got back from a ride to her parent's house. I carried the whole time and never told her or the in-laws. Once we got home I revealed that I was carrying and she was shocked. "I had no idea you even had it!" .. and that was my point to her. She's okay with it and I'm hoping it stays that way.

Best of luck to you my friend - that's a tough situation you are in.

[markheck1]

BTW I had all my guns and the LTCF before we met, so she knew I was a "Gun Nut"
Hmm....no guns bought after getting married.....that's disturbing...LOL
Anyone wanna buy a Ski Boat?

[gnbrotz]

Ok, i'm going to try to give you a womans point of view. Please don't think i'm being picky-une

Not at all. I appreciate you taking the time to share your point of view, especially since there aren't too many ladies on the boards (at least actively).

In one of your sentences you used the phrase "I told my wife". Maybe you should have fully discussed you purchasing a pistol and getting an LTCF with your wife.

I broached the purchase and LTCF in the same conversation, basically saying, "This is what I want to do, here are my intentions, any problems with that?" (paraphrased, of course). There were no objections to any of my stated intentions, but as I wrote, I don't think she fully believed that I would actually follow through.

Ok, next, your son. How does mommy feel about her son using a firearm? I know personally that my son using a firearm scares the shit out of me.

No issues. She actually agreed to my purchasing a .22 pistol for him as an early birthday present, which I did this past Saturday. There's a 'fun shoot' at the club where we belong in November. He wanted to participate, so I bought the pistol as an 'early' birthday present, so he has a chance to use it before the event. No objections from mom at all. As I said above, she has shot my own pistol at the range. She grew up in a hunting family. This is definitely a carry issue, not a gun issue.

Her husband is changing he looks different, he acts different, and i'm sure that scares her. Guns have a tendency to make people invincible. This scares her too.
Ok, here it comes---holding her in your arms is the ultimate protection for her, thats where she feels the safest, and secure. In your arms! The gun to her is a cold piece of steel, uninviting and scary.
Good Luck!

Interesting thoughts. I'll admit I can be a bit "in your face", especially when I know I'm right, but I think carrying a gun has actually reduced that tendency. I know that carrying a firearm is a MAJOR responsibility and SERIOUS business. She's clearly intelligent (she married me ) and knows that a gun by itself can do no harm. She also knows that no one loves her more than I do, and that I would certainly never hurt her, yet when the gun and I get together, all that non-threatening safety goes out the window.

[RocketFoot]

My wife doesn't like to shoot or mess with guns, but she totally respects my love of firearms! She has no problems with me carrying either.

[Michele]

OMG gnbrotz you hit the nail right on the head, (or on a gun forum bullseye)
Your different, when you carry, plain and simple.
I know i'm different when I carry.
She fell in love with the "in your face" kinda guy. Now your not so "in your face" anymore. I think she misses you.
Devils advocate here. Maybe she doesn't want to have a discussion/debate with someone on why her husband carries a gun.
I think she just misses you!