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November 5th, 2009, 01:22 PM #1
For those that don't know about history....
Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self
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November 5th, 2009, 01:43 PM #2
Re: For those that don't know about history....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz
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November 5th, 2009, 02:00 PM #3
Re: For those that don't know about history....
Funny stuff. Me likey.
I'm off to go kill something and grill it...Nine out of ten moderators approve of this post!
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November 5th, 2009, 02:21 PM #4Grand Member
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Re: For those that don't know about history....
F*S=k
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November 5th, 2009, 02:28 PM #5Grand Member
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Re: For those that don't know about history....
And I thought the conservatives are the descendants of cave men while liberals came from the Golgafrinchans (who for some inexplicable reason must have stopped evolving after crash landing).
JanSo long and thanks for all the fish.
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November 7th, 2009, 02:50 AM #6
Re: For those that don't know about history....
It was not Beer It was Whiskey. I 'm Irish.
I always stressed to my son"one shot one kill that was all that is needed". When He came home from Marine Corp Boot camp He was telling me about the Marines stressing "ONE SHOT ONE KILL" He looks at me and the light bulb went on Dad was now a whole lot smarter than he was 13 weeks ago.
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November 7th, 2009, 01:23 PM #7
Re: For those that don't know about history....
Gloria: "65 percent of the people murdered in the last 10 years were killed by hand guns"
Archie Bunker: "would it make you feel better, little girl, if they was pushed outta windows?"
http://www.moviewavs.com/TV_Shows/Al...he_Family.html
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November 8th, 2009, 10:12 AM #8
Re: For those that don't know about history....
Yup.. pretty much sums it up. It's too bad those who actually hunted for the meat didn't use the butts of their weapons to shut up those self-important distributors while they had the chance.
"The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of 'liberalism,' they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened."
- Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948
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November 9th, 2009, 04:56 AM #9Junior Member
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Re: For those that don't know about history....
Is this something to be proud of?
Both of these liquid abortions are basically just fizzy yellow water that doesn't legally qualify as beer.
It's funny how advertising and super bowl commercials can brainwash people into believing that their watered down, piss in a can is "manly" or that "bitter beer" is a bad thing.
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