Don’t Bring a Knife to a Coffee Fight

[King 5.45]

As blogged:

Saturday leaving my office, I was the subject of an attempted mugging by a member of the Indianapolis Choir Boy School of Good Men Who are Only Down on Their Luck. As I was leaving my office, said altar boy came around the corner of my building to the left into the side parking lot, and as I turned to face him noticed the knife in his right hand. The Chaplain’s Assistant demanded that we engage in an abbreviated barter process, wherein I would provide my wallet and car keys in exchange for not getting shanktified, which to him probably seemed like a reasonable exchange.

I politely demurred by hurling a cup of hot Starbucks at him while fishing my Beretta Jetfire out of the stupid pocket holster it was riding in. After taking a face full of Columbia’s most popular legal export and confronted with a counter offer of bullets to his previous barter exchange concept, the young gentlemen decided that discretion was the better part of valor and made all due haste in a westerly direction. For my part, I locked myself in my office, called 911 and waited for the cops to arrive to take my report.

http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/arc..._coffee_fight/

Originally from, with more us-centric detail: http://gunnuts.net/2009/10/26/dont-b...-coffee-fight/

[MostlyHarmless]

As blogged:



Originally from, with more us-centric detail: http://gunnuts.net/2009/10/26/dont-b...-coffee-fight/

I approve, but the system insists I have to spread first.


Jan

[LorDiego01]

I love the writing style!
Thanks for sharing! That made my morning.

[duane1]

Glad everything turned out ok. Except your out one coffee.

[King 5.45]

Glad everything turned out ok. Except your out one coffee.

Uh, not me?

Maybe we should deluge him with Starbucks gift certificates?

[reichebrown]

As blogged:
...Columbia’s most popular legal export...

now that's funny

[King 5.45]

Just a thought for the person who gave me rep and made the black coffee joke in the process: does color really matter when someone is coming at you with a knife? Is there anything in the original poster's words (and no, for the few brain surgeons who seem to have thought that it was I who threw the coffee in the criminal's face, no, again, IT WASN'T ME, to completely vernacularize it for you) that makes it a dead-lock certainty that this person wasn't strangely the color of the Grinch, or perhaps an Oompa-Loompa?

[Paradigm]

Glad everything turned out ok. Except your out one coffee.

Dang straight! That "barter process" had an excise tax of $6...

[King 5.45]

" ... so I incapacitated him by tossing my Venti Mocha Valencia into his big, ugly bruiser face, all the while scratching mightily through my purse trying to lay a hand on my pearl-handled Beretta Jetfire without breaking a nail ... "

... and then, there's how it might have read. Do you think a froo-froo brew would have had enough knock-down power, or do you think anything less than a 100% Colombian with an espresso kicker isn't bringing enough coffee to the fight?

[GunLawyer001]

Do they allow guns in Starbucks?

On a separate note, if he was "leaving" his office, how did he have a cup of "hot" Starbucks coffee on him?