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October 24th, 2009, 03:03 PM #1Super Member
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Some of these jokes may not appeal to everyone
Son asked his mother the following question:
"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
"Son, all household appliances come in white."
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At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question
had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What
about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers. "
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
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A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking
company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked
the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just
answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to
establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolm an on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I
had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving
her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene.
He could hear Besie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked
at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now what the hell would you say?
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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss
them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to
dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became
worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out
the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could
get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two
fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took the
young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so
wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he
grows older?"
The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."
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October 24th, 2009, 07:55 PM #2Banned
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Lititz,
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Re: Some of these jokes may not appeal to everyone
I'm lol'ing at the last one, smelling your own daughter, yuck!
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October 24th, 2009, 08:26 PM #3
Re: Some of these jokes may not appeal to everyone
They may not be for everyone, but they worked for me.
When you are called a racist, it just means you won an argument with an Obama supporter.
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October 24th, 2009, 10:44 PM #4
Re: Some of these jokes may not appeal to everyone
I LOL'd at those
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October 25th, 2009, 11:34 AM #5Super Member
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Bucks Cty,
Pennsylvania
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Re: Some of these jokes may not appeal to everyone
Thanks for making me laugh.
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
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October 25th, 2009, 12:21 PM #6
Re: Some of these jokes may not appeal to everyone
Those were good!
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