What happened to manners?

[junyo]

Forgive me, this is a long rant, but I want to get something off my chest.

I grew up a military brat, and honestly, when we were on base the kids on your block were automatically your friends. I grew up with half German, half Japanese, half or full whatever and it didn't make a bit of difference. There was less of that when the family settled down and moved off base and I started going to the city schools; some tension, but honestly that was mostly from adults that didn't think group A should be hanging out with anyone from group B. I've always tried to treat people fair and keep an open mind; I've been flat broke, so I see someone down on their luck I take it as just that, they're down on their luck. A couple breaks one way or the other and we'd be in opposite positions; you have to prove the worst to me. My best friend is half Korean and half French Canadian; and his parents call me the other son. I was best man when he married his Puerto Rican wife, and I call her my sister. Some of the smartest, nicest people I've ever met were covered in tatoos or had tons of piercings, or weird colored hair. A group of me and my closest friend were all out to dinner one night, and the people at the next table asked if we were some sort of church group because I guess they'd never seen as many different types of people togather at one time outside of a religious meeting. I won't say i'm perfect, but to the extent I can, I ignore the wrapper and worry about the contents.

But something's wrong in the world. Everybody seems to be reverting to their tribe, and getting angry with everyone else. I see white guys bitching about being the discriminated against, black guys and Hispanics too. Women dumping on men and men dumping right back. Everybody feels like they're getting the shitty end from somebody else and everybody apparently feels like taking it out on the nearest person. And it's starting to really piss me off.

I went with a buddy to his ex-roommates house watch the Penn St game and play some cards. My buddy's a cool guy, came from a very poor background, but literally pulled himself up the hard way, got an education, but he's a little down on his luck right now, just got laid off. But honestly, based on job titles and education, probably one of the smartest guys in the room... but the other guys are talking smack about how "ghetto" players got into the game. I was in a online poker chat and a guy from Malvern and Conshohocken started trading "******" jokes and the next thing you know three or four more people joined in. I'm at a Philly's game and as a Japanese player steps up to the plate a couple of entire rows behind me start chanting "Chink, Chink, Chink". I'm not talking about political correctness, I'm talking about simple manners and civility. When I was growing up you didn't do that sort of thing for fear of a) a fat lip, or b) your own group giving you a fat lip for embarassing them. What's going on in the world that this behavior is now acceptable?

[LorDiego01]

What's going on in the world that this behavior is now acceptable?

Maybe you are just getting older and coming in a view of the world thats been kept from you during your youth.

People have always made racist/unappropriate comments, but its frown upon doing so infront of children.

[Joe Demko]

People have always been rude. There's nothing new in rudeness.

[junyo]

LorDiego01, I'm not that young, and I grew up in Dixieland. People made racist comments all the time, but other people called them on it. It was a quick way to get be found unfit for polite society. Maybe the way I was brought up I didn't see it as much until I got away from home and the people I came up with. And you're right Joe, people have always been rude, but it's almost like people take pride in their rudeness now, and there certainly doesn't seem to be any consequence to it.

Maybe I'm just getting old and weary of the world, disappointed that people can't change and progress, that it was always this way and will always be this way and there's no way to change it.

[LittleRedToyota]

When I was growing up you didn't do that sort of thing for fear of a) a fat lip, or b) your own group giving you a fat lip for embarassing them. What's going on in the world that this behavior is now acceptable?

i think you hit the nail right on the head...there are not enough "fat lips" growing up today...both literally and figuratively.

i got my arse kicked a few times growing up...and you know what, i deserved it, and it made me a better person. it helped me understand that my words and actions have consequences. f*ck with people, and they might just kick yer butt.. that's the way it should be. frankly, there are a lot of people running around america today who need a good butt kicking...would teach them some humility.

i had a teacher smack me with a ruler in elementary school once for not doing my homework and then making some smart-arse remark about not doing it. i went home after school and complained about it to my parents. you know what my dad did? he asked me where the teacher smacked me and then proceeded to smack me there again...then he told me to do my homework and not mouth off to my teachers. many parents today would coddle the kid and sue the school.

i had great parents. they loved me very much...enough to teach me that my words and actions have consequences...and to teach me what it takes to survive and thrive in the real world (you don't get a trophy just for showing up...but that's kind of a different topic).

[Johannes_Paulsen]

LorDiego01, I'm not that young, and I grew up in Dixieland. People made racist comments all the time, but other people called them on it. It was a quick way to get be found unfit for polite society. Maybe the way I was brought up I didn't see it as much until I got away from home and the people I came up with. And you're right Joe, people have always been rude, but it's almost like people take pride in their rudeness now, and there certainly doesn't seem to be any consequence to it.

I have to admit -- I was born in the South (Barksdale AFB, Louisiana, actually,) and didn't move to New Castle, PA until I was 7, and I think I have seen far more vicious attitudes about ethnicity in the North. I think that maybe because it's such a visible issue to grapple with down south that people are forced to deal with it in the open, to some extent. Up here, well, I'll never forget the basketball game that my H.S. played against a predominantly black school. Our fans got so vicious, me and my friends just got up and left at the half. I'll also never forget this one girl who went on a (racist? ethnocentrist? not even sure of the right word here) rant about how those "damned Italians" ran New Castle into the ground.

Of course, my views of the South might be colored by the fact that I grew up in a military community, which is naturally more accepting of people (or, at least, which judges people on things that matter, not things that don't, like ethnic heritage.) I'm willing to admit that. But I agree w/you -- there's no reason we shouldn't be pushing for that kind of society every chance we get.

[phillyd2]

Yeah, in the good old days all were much more polite: Dear Mr. N, Sorry you can't vote here. Dear Ms. Nappy Headed Ho, get your ass back in them fields.....

Seriously, I happen to think that these days we are sometimes too damn polite and politically correct.

[SGTUSArmy]

I guess I grew up in a different time and age. I was born in Oklahoma, lived in Texas and Arkansas in addition to Oklahoma. I grew up in fear of getting my butt whooped. I still say Sir and Ma'am for fear of getting whacked upside the head by my Grandmother, and she has been dead for 6 years.

I only had a belt used on me twice, but it did the trick. I never lied to my mother nor stole anything ever again. My dad didn't use a belt on me. My dad had this look, once you got the look you had about 5 seconds to get your act together. Then you would be bent over his knee. My brother smarted off to him once when he was 17. My dad warned him, and he replied with a smart remark, and before my brother could react, he was bent over my dad's knee with a belt. (My dad could remove his belt in one fluid motion that scared the living crap out of me due to the sound it made hitting the belt loops).

My Uncle Joe, that man never whooped me, but he made a couple of threats. We were working in the hay field one summer, I was 14. My grandmother had pulled me off of the tractor to let me cool off and get a drink of water. I was sitting in the truck under a shade tree, looked up, and saw my uncle walking across the hay field with a belt in his hand. I started the truck, and went to the farthest point in the field. I just knew I had messed up somehow. The tractor pulling the baler had broken a belt. He laughed once Granny had realized what was going on.

My kids still get whooped, completely within the legal limits of the DPRM. They also get to put their noses against the wall at Parade Rest. I can also give "the look." My kids say sir and mam. My kid gets in trouble at school, they get in trouble at home.

I am fed up with the attitudes that people have now a days. Maybe it's because there are more people around here, but it sucks.

[Guy Fawkes]

Manners can be gauged on the time frame of our society. Things which would not be said or done publicly 20 years ago are now allowed on the tv and radio or at public events.

Here is one tidbit I have learned from my travels. When you live in the south you know who the bigots and raciest are, the ones with the stars and bars flying on their pick up trucks. In the North they are better camofluaged, might not fly the confederate battle flag but feel the same way.

I don't think it necessary has to deal with manners, just treating people like you would like to be treated. Many people don't know any better.

[countryboy172]

Manners starts with the parents. Most parents today where raised very strict like my father, he was brought up in a very strict home. Up at 5 30 everyday and in bed by 10 everynight until he was sixteen. Almost like a military camp or prison so to speak.

Now a days most parents are not as strict as their parents where. My parents where not strict with me what so ever kinda let me do my own thing. But they let me know if I screwed up I was getting the SH1t kicked out of me. The biggest thing that they instilled upon me is manners. I call everyone sir or maam or mr. and mrs.

I believe that manners has to deal with the way society has changed over the years and it being acceptable for young children to do what they want and if something goes wrong then to just sue or blame someone else. God forbid it be the parents fault... Blame it on the video games they play, music they listen to or tv they watch.

Parents today are not as strict as they should be on their children and should enforce manners on them.