First time carrying (a bit long)

[WVneighbor]

I posted this on WVCDL.org, I'm REALLY trying to post less here and more there, but thought some of you might enjoy this.

After I wrote this I thought it sounded more like a blog entry than a message board post. Maybe I'll start a blog, it might be kind of interesting to look back at my initial reactions in a year or so. I realize those reading this probably have carried for a while and this is more to get the experience out of my head and onto "paper" than anything else. Maybe someone who hasn't carried, but is thinking about it, will read it and be reassured or at least prepared.

Forgive the sentence structure, I don't think in complete sentences and wrote that way to convey what was happening in my head. Which is just as important as what was happing externally.

I brought my first pistol home on Friday, Dec. 19. While I've handled and shot other pistols, this one is the first one I've bought myself. I took some picture, posted a couple threads, put it away and headed to bed (I'm working nights so I sleep during the day). I also brought home my first ever holster, an inexpensive, but nice OWB in black leather.

Saturday came and my fiancee and daughter were headed out for a Christmas cookie baking session at the fiancee's sisters house. I decided I was going to head to the range to run some rounds through my new gun. I decided I was going to carry my gun rather than take it up in the box. I puttered around for a bit, getting my range gear together in my new range bag, made a list of things I needed from Wal-Mart (ammo, paper plates, push-pins and target stand) and got dressed. I put my belt on and tried the empty holster in a couple different positions, I didn't care for 3:30, so moved it forward a little to about 3:00 or so. I changed my shirt three times because I didn't like the way it fell over the empty holster. I eventually settled for a shirt with a long tail. Which I promptly tucked in because I didn't like how it looked untucked.

I then realized what I was doing ... I was putting off holstering my new gun. I really couldn't come up with an articulable reason for my procrastination. So I went out to the dining room, opened the box, loaded a magazine, checked the safety and holstered my gun. There are some moments in your life you will never forget. There are the old standards: the first kiss, or the first time you see your child. This was a moment I'll never forget. I crossed some kind of threshold, standing there in the dining room. There was a change, small and barely perceptible, but something was different. And then ... it was over. I went about the business of zipping up my range bag, looking for my keys, wallet, checking my CHL was in my wallet along with my drivers license (I chuckled at the irony there). I stepped outside and was bit in the face by a cold breeze, back inside to change socks, coat and look for my gloves.

I put my heavier coat on, loaded up the range bag and my 10/22 in the car and got in. I sat there for a few moments, once again, for some reason I felt myself on the cusp of ... something. There was a line, a boundary something holding me back from taking that next small step. I said, out-loud, to myself "This is about as useful as carrying an ashtray." I unholstered my gun, flicked off the safety, took a deep breath, chambered a round, put the safety back on, and re-holstered my gun. I turned on the radio and was greeted by George Thorogood proclaiming he was "Bad to the Bone". Great. Just the song I DON'T need to hear my first time carrying a gun. Change the station ... ahh, Montgomery Gentry, "Roll with me". And the moment was over. Whatever boundary I had crossed, it was over, done. I had taken small steps, over the last 6 months or more and I was now a person who carries a gun. I don't think I'll go back to not carrying, unless its impossible or very impractical, at work for example.

The drive to Wal-Mart had me thinking about some of the things I've read on this board and others. About how people who carry guns are de-facto representatives for all gun owners. About how I'm not the Protector of the Innocent just because I'm carrying a gun. About how I need to walk/behave normally, I don't need to be constantly adjusting my belt, or checking to make sure I'm concealing adequately. To everyone else out there I wanted to be one among many. A sheep with sharp teeth in sheeps clothing, to completely destroy a phrase.

So I'm at Wal-Mart, lots full so I park a ways out. Heading into the store I found myself adjusting my pants, they always fall a little from where I would like to wear them, but today they had a bit of extra weight to contend with. "Let it ride where it rides" I thought and just let my pants/belt/gun fall to a more natural place. It worked. It felt comfortable, I barely felt the weight of the gun at all. Inside I reach for a cart "shit, did my coat ride up too far" pull my hand back and take a step closer to the cart instead of reaching. Just my luck, another cart is stuck to the one I'm trying to take. Too many people around to get another one. Uh oh, Wal-Mart greeter lady (4ft tall black woman) trying to help me get the carts unstuck. Act natural. Shake the carts, "OMG I can feel my gun/holster moving around, please don't let it fall out", push, pull, bang and the cart comes free and I'm off.

Not only do I have a cart with a wobbly wheel, it has a wheel that squeaks. So much for being one among many.

People are EVERYWHERE. Off to the grocery section to get paper plates. Search and Rescue, ah ha! there they are, in the cart. Mission Accomplished! Push-pins next. 4 aisles down, 1 aisle over. Crap, dad and kid-small-enough-to-be-in-the-cart-seat standing in the middle of the aisle. Right where the push-pin bin is. Ok, do the browse till he moves thing. Hmm, lady bug pins, could use those. Only $2.88. I spy the ones I want, 100 for $.96. Juuuuuust on the other side of the dad & kid combo, but not far enough I can get them if I come in from the other side.

"Excuse me" shit he moved! Push-pins secured, GTFO and on to the next objective. Target stand, by the paint counter, a nice little walk. Through the baby clothes (OMG! Think of the children! I'm carrying a gun through Wal-Marts baby clothes section!!!) I smiled and kept walking. Electronics, bright flashy things distract me for a bit, forget I'm carrying at all. Fiancee wants a external hard drive, where would they be .... Ah! There they are. Hmm, $89 for 320g. Not bad. OOOOH! 2g thumb drives for $12 ... STOCKING STUFFERS! Damn, hard drive box is empty, got to have the pimply faced boy get it from Wal-Marts Super Secret Top Security Area. Wait by the checkout, pimple boy comes back, says I have to pay for the drive there. Not a problem, had the Discover for Christmas presents and my bank card for my range trip purchases, I'll just reach back to my .... oh shit. My coats moving, riding up as I reach for my wallet, oh damn ohdamnohdamn. Hand pimple boy the card, no one panics, no children run away screaming. Transaction final. Christmas shopping officially done! With a gun. Damn I'm good.

Hardware, practically empty, target stand in the cart. On to the ammo counter. 9mm WWB, check for speer gold dot or federal hydrashok, no dice. I got smart, wallet is now in my COAT pocket. HA! I win. Pay and I'm headed to the door. Typically if the door alarm sounds I keep on walking. What to do if pimple boy didn't demagnetize the security strips in the hard drive or thumb drives. Plus I have an unbagged item (target stand which is actually a FOR SALE stand). "BOOOP! You have activated Wal-Marts inventory control system. Please step back and an associate will help you." The lady three feet in front of me lit it up, great, if it goes off I'll have to wait till she is done. Take my bags out of the cart, grab the sign, walk through and ... nothing! Whew!

Sitting in the car. Coat is bulky. Car is warm. Don't need the coat. Take it off. First thing that goes through my mine ... "Hey, I'm Open Carrying now!" I laugh and turn on the radio. Def Leppard tells me its "Better to burn out than fade away!" yeah, no. Change the station, "Life is a Highway". Ok, better. To BK for a whopper. Drive-thru, no problems. To Sheetz for a Dew. Problem. No drive-thru. No coat. 7 P's. Piss poor planning produces piss poor results. Should have left the coat on. Open carry is legal so I should be ok for the few seconds its going to take me to put on my coat. No one coming so I get out, now I'm REALLY open carrying. Crap, dude came out of Sheetz headed this way ... CANT GET MY FREAKING COAT ON. Its on, but the entire right side is HUNG UP ON MY GUN! Dude looked dead at me, his eyes widened a little and he got in his car. Great, probably on his cell phone calling in a Man With Gun report. I feel like a potential robber now, trying to hide the gun and get the zipper zipped, DAMN IT caught the fabric in the zipper! Go in, get my dew, shit wallets in my back pocket, AGAIN. Got cash in my left front, pay with that and head out. Said "futhisisafamilyboardck it" took my coat off, open carried for 3 seconds then I was back in the car and headed to the range.

Range report is posted elsewhere here. Rest of the day was uneventful. Carried all day, at home, till about 5 or so then crashed (pistol on the nightstand) for a couple hours.

Summary, I carried, blood didn't run in the streets, I didn't turn into a testosterone fueled madman, no children were harmed and with the exception of me carrying a gun, it was a pretty ordinary day.

[chrisaka]

Nicely written report! Felt like I was there with you.

You'll get over it really quickly after the first few times. People aren't nearly as observant as you'd think. How many times have you noticed someone carrying concealed? Probably never.

Anyway, good luck! And carry an extra mag or two in your jacket!

[jizmo3]

After a while you forget you are carrying. I carried all day yesterday and forgot until I laid down on the couch for a snooze and wondered what was jamming into my right side.
did housework, put up shelves, menial things out and about and totally forgot. It becomes part of your clothing.

[gf45acp]

Nice report. WV, the best that I can offer for you is a suggestion that you carry at home ALL of the time. This will get you comfortable with your carry set up faster.
Merry Christmas!

[crakkajakka15]

I find my self in a routine before i leave the house now....before i was carry it was phone keys wallet. But after a month or so of carrying I found my self saying phone keys wallet, firearm....one day i caught myself and was like WOW..but now it just goes with me...its like my watch i feel naked with out it.

[rallen]

Good heartwarming story! I felt the same way when I first started carrying! Glad to have another join us!

[Paintwerk]

Great story, i too felt as if i was there. I just purchased my first handgun, and im still waiting for my LTCF, but i have been carrying at home, just to get used to it.

Crakkajak, I was recently talking with a friend that carries daily for about 4 or 5 years now. He gave me nearly the exact same example that you stated.

[wa3ra]

Excellent post...I think I've been there!

[sxHarr05]

Awesome story. Thursday will be two weeks since I started carrying again, and it was exactly the same......"Is my coat hung up? Are they looking at my hip? Does this IWB make my as look fat?". Best thing I did was to just carry every chance I got, which includes all of my Christmas shopping. The reality is that people are so self-absorbed that unless it's completely obvious they'll never know.

Another point I can relate to is a change in demeanor when out and about. I tend to be more polite and articulate when carrying. I guess subconsiously trying to disprove the notion that gun owners are scary nutcases, even though nobody knows to think of me as a scary nutcase. Well............yeah.
Maybe I'm just reppin the crew without the peeps knowin I'm reppin the crew?

[WVneighbor]

I wrapped all my Christmas presents that night while carrying. In fact my second carry experience happened at 2:30am when I went back to Wal-Mart for wrapping paper, gift labels and to try to find something else for my fiancee.

I spent about an hour in the store, I was much calmer, more relaxed than my earlier trip.