Big trouble for me comes in small, furry packages!

[RocketFoot]

First it was a rouge chipmunk, left in the house by my unthankful cat. Now a new menace has shown it's furry little face at the Rocket House! Yep...it all started a few nights ago. I had just settled down in bed after a long day and as my eyes drifted shut, I hear the unmistakable scratching in the walls and the patter of little feet above the ceiling plaster. At first I thought it was a mouse. Damn, sure sounds big! Rat maybe? But my answer was found the next morning when my wife called work in a panic! "There's a freaking squirrel in the house!" I was like, how do you know? "I SAW IT!!" She said. "It was peeking down at me from the ceiling tile in the kitchen!" (All I could think about was ceiling cat!) We still have a few missing ceiling tile in the kitchen from some plumbing work I've been doing to the bathtub drain above. Apparently, Mr. Squirrel has found that he can transverse the entire biles of the house via interior walls and this hole in the time space continuum know as my kitchen ceiling. I also found evidence of his destruction in the upstairs hall closet (with access to tub plumbing) He had chewed or dug up the edge of the carpet either trying to get out or scrapping up material for a nest.

Well, I immediately dug out my old muskrat traps and loaded a few up with extra crunchy peanut butter. The traps must be a bit heavy for tree rats because he seems to have licked the peanut butter off and went about his merry way unscathed!

The next night, the kids and I put on our tactical swat squirrel gear and locked and loaded with bb guns! I even had a 4 cell mag light tapped to mine so I could see up into the abyss of the ceiling hole! We stalked him for hours that night. He was up there, taunting us and the cat all evening. I thought the cat was going to go crazy! He was stalking the top of the fridge like a lion hunting gazel in the savanna! But we all ended up empty handed and in my head, I could hear the squirrel laughing at us in his little squirrel voice!

I hated to do it, but my next attack was some industrial size Decon. I hate to have a rotting squirrel corpse in my walls, but it might be better than the little bastard eating my wires! Well, it's been a few days and I can still hear him traipsing around the walls and ceilings of my house.

Tonight, I will launch the next wave of attacks on this little invader with some borrowed live traps! (Which he wont be alive for long after I catch him) I also need to figure out how he got in. I suspect an old gutter hole in the overhang outside. He must have tightrope walked the electric connection and skirted the overhang to get in. It's hard doing battle with an enemy that you can't even see! Squirrels are like the guerrilla warriors of the rodent world. But I will be victorious! I will prevail!! (Does anyone have a trained, squirrel attacking ferret I can borrow?)

[billamj]

With your luck the ferret would end up feeling at home in your walls and then you'd need to borrow someone's bobcat. LOL

[dman]

Funny story,I like it and your right on with the ferrets,bad ass little hunters.
My wife and I had two ferrets ,Victoria and Leiopold ! As in all things ,they grew old together and faded away together, a true love story .
Good luck though ,those little virmin are cute but very distructive, like " Chip and Dale " the cartoon chipmunks .
I'll always enjoy a good hearted,good humored story ,and let me know when and how you were victorious, as I know you will be !!

[Robert Kayland]

Those over-sized mousetraps for rats should work too.

/Plus you get the grim satisfaction of seeing them with their neck broke.

[RocketFoot]

Those over-sized mousetraps for rats should work too.

/Plus you get the grim satisfaction of seeing them with their neck broke.

Yeah, I set a few standard mouse traps and he set them off just to spite me! Probably scared the crap out of him when they went off, though!

[gf45acp]

Shoot it!!!!!!

[RocketFoot]

Shoot it!!!!!!

You should have seen the look on my wife's face when I announced for my kid to go get my 12 gauge! (Jokingly, of course!)

[melD]

I can't find a pic, but the image of the rifle with the flashlight taped to it makes me think of Caddyshack. That's funny stuff!!!

Had to add this:

"License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote. "

Just insert squirrel for gopher.

[ShakeyDad]

Hey Rocket....

tell your wife to be careful.

When he was "peeking" at her, it was probably just recon work for this guy......

[dman]

Dude !!!!!!!! Go back, there's two of them ,It's a conspiracy ,they want your computer data ,cover everything with tin foil ,take the wife and kids to a safe place , as that $%#@^)*%^--* en ShakeyDad stated ,it's recon .
Our prayers are with you !!!!!!!!!!! (a wisely used eek face ) !