Girlfriend hates CC

[In the Doghouse]

BEWARE THE ZOMBIE THREAD

So, there it is, she hates it and this could be a relationship ender. Typical fear of guns, guns around kids, guns in public, everything that has been seen 100 times before...so what to do about it? I feel bad making her just deal with it, but I would feel worse if I gave in and something happened. Thoughts, experiances? Dump her is not an option, this aside, a ring will be in the relatively (on the scale of years) near future I think. What are the right words?

[headcase]

Take her shooting. Show her news accounts of unarmed people being victimized.

[In the Doghouse]

Take her shooting. Show her news accounts of unarmed people being victimized.

planning on it and I actually brought that up...the response was...well...what are the chances of that happening to us? What are you never going to fly in a plane or drive a car ever again too? euuuuugh!

[granuale]

planning on it and I actually brought that up...the response was...well...what are the chances of that happening to us? What are you never going to fly in a plane or drive a car ever again too? euuuuugh!

It's not the risk, but the stakes. You will probably never ever need a handgun but if you need one, nothing else will do.

Answer is "No, but when I get in the car, I will buckle my seat belt. I will also buy a car that has better than average crash survivability. I don't think it likely I will get into a crash the next time I drive, but I will take reasonable steps necessary to protect myself if it should happen."

Have her go down to the courthouse one day and sit there for a few hours. I bet she will be astounded at the level of violence right in your own neighborhood. Explain the facts, and explain them again. If she won't even go to the range with you, what is she saying about her tolerance to your strongly held beliefs? I would ask her to consider what she would think if she really intently believed in something, and you wouldn't even accompany her to see for yourself. I would suggest she would feel like you weren't even really considering her point of view and that she is doing the exact same thing. Let her know that protecting yourself, her, and any children is your first duty, and you need a firearm to do so effectively. I would have her listen to several 911 calls where women are being attacked and ask what she would do in the circumstances. (google something like "woman attacked" 911 call.

I would of course re-think the ring. Not only is she woefully ignorant of the need for self-defense, but she is unwilling to listen to your thoughts with an open mind. This does not bode well for long-term happiness. Would you feel comfortable leaving your children in her care knowing she would refuse to protect them? I don't expect the woman I wind up with to be a shooter or fan of guns, but I damn sure won't let her disarm ME!

Good Luck.

[crakkajakka15]

I would of course re-think the ring. Not only is she woefully ignorant of the need for self-defense, but she is unwilling to listen to your thoughts with an open mind. This does not bode well for long-term happiness. Would you feel comfortable leaving your children in her care knowing she would refuse to protect them? I don't expect the woman I wind up with to be a shooter or fan of guns, but I damn sure won't let her disarm ME!

Good Luck.

This guy hit it right on the head. IF she is not willing to listen to your concerns with a open mind this is going to lead to years of unhappyness. Also let her know how responsible your being by making her life important enough for you to carry a gun ( what an unselfish thing to do huh?). Also let this run through your mind for a min. Lets say you do give up the gun and she wins, Now she knows she has won and wont hesitate doing this same thing again when something else like this arises where you try to express yourself or speak your mind.(only example i can think of off hand would be.....lets says your 50 and want to get a motorcycle, this same argument will happen but over different subjective matter...thats all) She will be thinking well i made him stop once what else can i get away with. Trust me if she is unwilling to listen with a open mind and is blind to the facts that armed citizens save lives and prevent alot of cimes, maybe putting a ring on that finger should be rethought not only in the name of your 2A RIGHTS, but for your long term happiness.

[truecrimson]

Simplly tell her that the right to keep and bear arms, along with the nessecity of bearing arms on a daily basis are deeply held beliefs for you, and if she loves you she will have to accept that you own and carry guns. Do not try to force her to like, own, or use guns herself. Offer to take her shooting, but if she rfuses don't push it, just the repeat the offer in the future. Just let guns be a visible part of your life which is clearly important to you.

Slowly, eventually she will come around. For a while she will barely tolerate it. Then she will tolerate much better. Then she will truely accept it. One day she may gladly accompany you to the range, and even develope and interest in owning and carrying guns herself.

It is a long and slow process, and has taken me about 10 years. When Monica and I got together she thought the world would be a better place if guns didn't exist. But I came with weapons of all types. Now she sleeps with a .38 when I'm not home, and comes with to me to PAFOA dinners and meets.

Don't give in, but be calm, reasonable and cordial. Don't let her draw you into fights over it.

[In the Doghouse]

Yeah, after the big fight and a reasonable and very truthful explanation of "why" on my part...which very honestly includes her safety above all else...things were better, and why wouldn't they be, but the "never around my kids" issue seems to be persisting. I'm years from making the when-for-my-kids decision, and I absolutely agree with her that they don't need to grow up with an acute knowledge of how f'ed up the world can be, but, there will come a time...it was ~7-8 for me...and I turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. She seems to think 18 would be a better age...I think that that is nothing less than dangerous. I would say, "Ok for now, as long as you aren't going to stop me let’s move past the issue," but she sees the kids issue as being a HUGE problem later and wants to sort that out now. On top of that, I know she is still upset about it, even though I got away with OC'ing in the vehicle later in the day without an argument. I'm not OK with her being unhappy, even if it means I get to do what I want. I want a compromise, so she doesn't feel screwed, but it seems to be a "go/no go" issue. If there were any other real issues I would consider this telling and really start to worry, but I don't see any, and it has been more than several years. I appreciate her ability to make me rethink things and reign in some of my more "irresponsible" behavior (financially, and socially in the sense of reminding me to get along with people instead of telling them exactly what I think of them and their stupid, ignorant and dangerous actions up front...yeah I'm bitter...). She compliments my personality well and is incredibly intelligent. I'm not quite willing to give that up.

[jahwarrior72]

unfortunately, there's not a lot of room for compromise in this area, i think. my significant other doesn't like guns, either, and doesn't like me carrying them. my response was "well, i'm carrying them anyway." our relationship goes a little deeper than yours: we have kids together, so getting a new girl isn't really an option. as was said earlier, if you compromise on this, it won't ever end. you'll always find yourself compromising, and always in her favor. this is one of the few things i refused to budge on, because it's important, not just for me, but for my whole family.

i carry daily. she knows i do, and doesn't like it. she knows i won't stop carrying, so she's decided to give up that fight. i'm not saying it's the best strategy, but it's the only one i've got.

[ShakeyDad]

Have you tried hitting her ??



Sorry, bad joke from another thread.....

[truecrimson]

unfortunately, there's not a lot of room for compromise in this area, i think. my significant other doesn't like guns, either, and doesn't like me carrying them. my response was "well, i'm carrying them anyway." our relationship goes a little deeper than yours: we have kids together, so getting a new girl isn't really an option. as was said earlier, if you compromise on this, it won't ever end. you'll always find yourself compromising, and always in her favor. this is one of the few things i refused to budge on, because it's important, not just for me, but for my whole family.

i carry daily. she knows i do, and doesn't like it. she knows i won't stop carrying, so she's decided to give up that fight. i'm not saying it's the best strategy, but it's the only one i've got.

The part in bold is the best way to describe it. At some point, if she isn't a rabid anti and is merely a victem of media hype/lack of positive exposure then she will do this. You just have to wait for it. It will be......uncomfortable for a while, and she will try to pick fights or bring it up in fights, but don't let her do it. You're going to compromise a lot in any relationship but there are also some things you shouldn't budge on.

ETA: We still argue about the kids thing. We have argued about kids and guns for 10 years. My nephew just got his first .22 at the age of 7 in September, and Monica thinks my family is a bit strange because of that. That is improvement, as 10 years ago she thought we were nuts. The arguments have gotten less and less heated, and less and less like real fights. It's like our fight about moving back to TX. I've told her I'm doing it in the next 2-3 years.......she is welcome to come if she wants to. I compromise on a lot of things. There are a few that I won't, and she has decided not to fight those fights rather than risk our relationship.