Why People Shoot Guns in the House

[PennsyPlinker]

I posted this way back in Feb 2007 in a different place. Rocketfoot's adventures inspired me to resurrect it here. We have animal problems too sometimes...

I didn't do it, but I was ready to. We live in an old stone farmhouse out in the country. We are not the only ones living in it. That will become clearer in a moment. Last might it was a balmy one degree with the wind howling along at about 25 mph. It won't rattle the stone, but it does rattle the windows. Temperature in the house varies from 58 deg (setback on the thermostat) to somewhat colder in the extremes of the house.

Lying in bed, I was awakened by what sounded like an entire construction crew of mice working on one of their tunnels through the plaster over the stone walls. At least, that is what I thought at the time. Having heard those sorts of noises before, there is little to do but go back to sleep, resolving to feed the cat less tomorrow, and purchase some traps besides. But this sounded like a whole lot of mice, or a very big one, so much so that Mrs. Plinker, who sleeps very soundly, woke up too. She agreed with my assessment and went back to sleep. In this weather mice in the house is a given. There may be more mice or less mice, but there are always mice.

Fast forward to 5:00 AM. Mrs. Plinker gets up and begins her preparations to leave for work. All of a sudden there is a scream! I leap out of bed, only to hear her exclaim that there is a squirrel running around loose in the hallway between the bathroom and our bedroom! Being a city girl, she first posed the theory that it was a mouse of exceptional size (or is that rodent of unusual size?) Then she suggested baby squirrel. As soon as I saw it I realized my friend the flying squirrel was back.

Fresh from my bed, I was adorned in only my tactical briefs, with no holster available for my CCW. We chased the home invader around with a small plastic tote, the same weapon I used last time the squirrel made an incursion into the human section of the house. It literally disappeared into the woodwork. Mrs. Plinker had to get to work, so I commenced surveillance of the most likely routes of approach, all the while back in my warm bed - this time reading a sci-fi book about bug eyed scaly devils invading the earth. This was probably not a good idea. The next thing I knew, the squirrel had leaped onto the bed and was headed straight for my head!

I yelled so loud he jumped straight into the air, reversed direction (just like the cartoons) and ran back the way he came. I leaped out of bed again, grabbed my containment bucket, and started chasing him around the house again. All the while I am thinking, I've got that new Taurus Judge and #8 shot. It probably wouldn't make too big a hole in the wall - just a little in the plaster. And it won't damage the outer stone walls at all. But if I hit the water bed, I am going to be sleeping in the barn for the next few weeks. The temptation was almost too much to bear.

Victory was finally mine when the squirrelly little devil jumped up on the bed again. I clapped my tote down over him, and slid the lid gently under his feet, giving him time to step up onto it. One squirrel does not a meal make, especially these little flying ones. Besides, who needs the JBT from PETA at the door? Still dressed in my BVDs only, I walked out onto the back porch and set the little monster free. Just like last time, he made it back into the house before I did, but at least he used his own front door instead of mine. You see, we have had these buggers living in the stone chimney of the walk in fireplace for years. For the most part they do not bother us, and we do not bother them - for now anyway. The time will come when I can turn my attention to evicting them permanently. In the meantime, I need to practice more with that Taurus Judge.

[P-11 shooter]

That's funny. Laugh out loud funny.

"tactical briefs"

That reminds me of when my buddy was younger and lived in the attic of his house. There were bats living above the plaster celing and one night after keeping him awake all night he shot holes all through his celing with a pellett gun trying to gey them.

The bats survived and he had holes all through his celing

[dc dalton]

HA HA HA MAN does this bring back memories (and similarities between us that scare me)

We have had flying squirrels in the house and bats (always have had bats in the attic) ... we too live in a 100+ year old stone house and I agree keeping out the critters is next to impossible some times.

Our flying squirrel decided to come down our chimney one night and sit there hanging upside down staring at us! He wasn't that bad to get out of the house BUT our bats have been more of a challenge.

The last one that got into the house decided to make it's appearance after the wife had gone to bed. I saw something out of the corner of my eye but decided I was tired and ignored it. A minute later I saw it again and this time the cat was chasing it. I managed to get it trapped in the dining room but the damn cat got in there too. Next thing I know the cat jumped 5 feet into the air and grabbed the bat ... he then (of course) decided to run off with this bat in his mouth. Of course the bat got lose and flew upstairs .... I followed and told the wife to shut the bedroom door. Don't you know our cat grabbed the bat out of the air again?

I finally got hold of the bat (in a box) and got it outside but man what a night.

OH and BTW, the parts that disturb me (similarities)

1. Old stone house

2. water bed

3. critters in house

4. running around in shorts chasing critters

[CommonHighrise]

You sonofabitch, the thought of you shreiking like a girl scout at the viscious, rampaging squirrel on the charge in yourbed just made me spew tasty adult beverage.

[bigbear]

For bats, the best thing I've ever used is a tennis racket. Would that work on flying squirrels, too?

[dc dalton]

For bats, the best thing I've ever used is a tennis racket. Would that work on flying squirrels, too?

Been there done that .. you need aim like Andree Agasy .. a good box works best.

[chugger95]

Reminds me of back when I used to do HVAC. I wasn't there but we got phonecalls for ideas on how to get a squirrel out of a chimney. One of our other installers was trying to install a new flue liner and ran into a fiesty squirrel that wouldn't leave. At one point he was about ready to buy a pellet gun. I think he eventually started a small fire in the bottom of the chimney and smoked him out.

[RocketFoot]

Haha...great story Plinker! I know, it makes you wanna blast the little critters into orbit!

(I like to joke around about it too, but I would never fire a gun in the house! Too many wires, pipes and innocent bystanders that could be damaged!)