No respect.

[P-11 shooter]

How many of you guys like Rodney Dangerfeild?

That guy cracks me up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwZAIO7q9v8


Hey, I know i'm ugly. I stuck my head out a window one time and got arrested for mooning.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest

[God's Country]

Dangerfield was always a good laugh.

Predictable, but funny.
An absolute endless supply of one-liners.

[P-11 shooter]

"I grew up in a terrible neighborhood. In my neighborhood the best selling book was how to attack in a self-service elevator."



"Just once I want someone to pass me on the highway without pointing to one of my tires."

[fingers80002]

"I grew up in a terrible neighborhood. In my neighborhood the best selling book was how to attack in a self-service elevator."



"Just once I want someone to pass me on the highway without pointing to one of my tires."

Bad Date???

[Robert Kayland]

I got a good lawyer, though... Nicky Pumpanese... he once got a rape charge reduced to tailgating.

But I gotta tell ya, my wife, she's the worst cook... the flies chipped in and paid a spider to fix the hole in the screen door.

[TaurusGuy]

He was one of the great ones. He never failed to make me laugh.

Ever see Back to School? How about him in Caddy Shack?

[Kimba]

Easy Money has to top the list. When DH goes on his "Boys Weekend Away" trips, there are about 15 copies.

[dman]

Doc,I feel that everybody hates me !! That's ridiculous,not everybody knows you !! Yeah,He's a classic,funny funny man !!

[P-11 shooter]

Doc,I feel that everybody hates me !! That's ridiculous,not everybody knows you !! Yeah,He's a classic,funny funny man !!

That's a good one.

"I told my shrink I've been having suicidal tendencies.

He told me I have to start paying in advance."

[dtree25]

Easy money, for years I would'nt kiss my mother-in-on the face, now I'm kissing her ass!! I don't care who you are --thats funny--