Dispute with the Fiancee Over Gun Ownership

**JoePSU** · December 11th, 2006, 10:26 PM

I live in South Philadelphia, and decided a few months ago that I wanted to by a handgun for self defense, CCW, and target practice.
I went to the range a few times, show a few glocks, and decided I wanted to get one. I decided first however, to discuss it with my fiancee, because since she lives in the same house, I thought it was appropriate for her input.

Well, turns out she was adamantly against it. I expected her to be a bit uncomfortable, because neither of us were raised in homes with guns, but she considers it to be an uncompromisable issue. She is generally a rational and caring person, she goes to med school and will make a career out of making tough decisions, but she won't budge on this one.

My mother does not believe in widespread access to guns, but she respected my decision to want to own, based on my own perception of necessity and security. My fiancee is a world away from that right now.

Not asking for relationship advice here, but I was curious if you've had to make this argument at home. I don't want to use fear tactics, and I wouldn't just unilaterally bring something into the home that scares her.

- Joe

**josh** · December 11th, 2006, 10:34 PM

Tough situation.

Many people really are afraid of guns and act irrationally out of that fear.

My opinion is quite simple. Do what you want. You do not own her and she does not own you.
Do not try to convince her of anything. Until she is willing to consider your point of view it is a waste of time.
But if she respects you she should be able to make your own decisions. If not you are going to have a hell of a rough marriage. LOL

**phillyd2** · December 11th, 2006, 10:37 PM

good thing you found out before the wedding

**jdlv4_0** · December 11th, 2006, 10:42 PM

I can probably get you some 911 tapes of women being abused, beaten, and robbed while on the phone with the dispatcher. Think that might be too extreme?

**junyo** · December 11th, 2006, 11:08 PM

My girlfriend is a nurse, and she's cool about it but wierd at the same time. At first she came across the same way when I explained that I owned guns, but I also explained my feeling were very strong and why (actually we had just watched "Hotel Rwanda" which probably didn't hurt) then we went to the range with some other friends and had some of the other females show her the basics. Now she's real comfortable with it, most of the time. She's a better shot that me honestly, but she always waffles when I try to get her her own gun, and she's still very uncomfortable with the idea of me hunting.

With her it boiled down to having seen traumas/gunshot wounds at the hospital, so she was only aware of the negative side of guns. And the medical establishment puts out a pretty strong antigun message among healthcare workers.

Point out that it's a tool, that can be used for good or bad, just like surgical tools or drugs. Emphasize that you plan to learn to use it safely and reasonably, including how you're gonna store it in the house. Take her shooting with you, so she can see that it's just a machine, a device. And emphasize that more than anything you feel that it's part of your responsibility to her, to enable you to better protect her.

**TonyF** · December 11th, 2006, 11:16 PM

I think the best course of action would be to try to get her to agree that both of you enroll in some kind of formal training class together, even if its the NRA first steps course. Someone who has preconceived notions borne of ignorance (i.e. no firsthand experience) is difficult to come to terms with unless they are made to face realities.

Being a nurse she's obviously educated. Try to reason with her from the PoV that a training course is an educational exercise and not a rambo-esque, knuckle-dragging "man" thing.

**knight0334** · December 11th, 2006, 11:18 PM

I dont mean to sound cold hearted, but... You can always find another woman, you cant find another life.

**SGTUSArmy** · December 11th, 2006, 11:56 PM

I agree with TonyF, start small with something to try and ease her into it. If nothing else, see if you can get her to the range and just watch some other people shoot. Then maybe see if you can borrow or rent a .22 pistol and let her plink.

**00gt1** · December 12th, 2006, 12:07 AM

^^ i agree, i had the same issue with my gf when we were living together. I took her reluctantly out to the range a few times as a compermise and now she shoots right along side of me. Try to find a middle ground with her. that's just my .02.

**LorDiego01** · December 12th, 2006, 12:18 AM

YOU MAGGOTS DISGUST ME!!!!

"get her flowers", "say please", "start small"...

I say: She wont budge. Well, neither should you. This is uncompromising for her, then the safety of your family should be uncompromising for you.

I always joke around, get a good buddy of yours to "break in" at your house in the middle of the night and give her a good scare. She'll help you pick the damn gun the next morning. Its not about being chauvinistic or sadistic, but helping her overcome her irrational fears in a positive way, to show her that you truly care.

She might know a lot about medicine, but she's ignorant on the Gun Facts.

Go to Amazon and get her Armed and Female.

if your follow up thread is titled like this.. "Guys, I convinced her to let me get the gun, now help me convince her to let me spend my own money to buy it." then it might be a lost cause.

heheheh, welcome to the site.