Beware the Tazer

[larrymeyer]

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

'WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.


AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?


So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.? ? All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? ? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner , then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three-second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **% !!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! Still in shock!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid."

[mikepro8]

HILARIOUS!

[knight0334]

Funny stuff!!

[sluggie24]

HAHAHAHAHA......you have to try and set up a camcorder next time.....

[steveforopen]

I had one of them 100,000 volt stun guns however, it only worked if you got somebody in the upper chest. I'd do it in the arm all the time and it would hurt but wouldn't hurt me bad enough to want to drop a knife or stop assailing.

I brought it to a party one time and me and some close friends were trying out the effects. One of them who was particularly intoxicated at the time and is a Marine, decided he was man enough to take a short burst to the collar bone.

Needless to say, he went straight to his knees. If i had kept it on him, he woulda surely been incapacitated.

[Agent Smith]

Eh, they aren't that bad. I had an actual 200,000 volt stun gun where you could see and hear the arc between the two prongs, and my buddies and I messed around with it and tased each other. We actually ended up breaking it because we used it so much. It hurt, but it wasn't THAT bad. Needless to say, that probably wasn't the smartest things to do, but hey, we were young.

[lildobe]

Eh, they aren't that bad. I had an actual 200,000 volt stun gun where you could see and hear the arc between the two prongs, and my buddies and I messed around with it and tased each other. We actually ended up breaking it because we used it so much. It hurt, but it wasn't THAT bad. Needless to say, that probably wasn't the smartest things to do, but hey, we were young.

I used to do that with a "stun gun" that I bought to carry when I was 16...

About 4 years ago now, I voluntarily got tazed during M25 Advanced Taser Training at the police department I was working at... THAT was an experience!

NOTHING like the stun gun...

[gold cup abuser]

Well on the positve side at least the OP didnt make it to the Darwin Awards rofl


that was tff thanks for the laugh

[Swarner793]

Honest to God, I almost wet myself!!!!

Be safe.

Scott

[Autonomous]

That right there is funny...
-A