Asking another parent about guns in the house

[Cole]

A little while back my friend asked me an interesting question.

A good friend of mine (Bill) is a daddy blogger, you know, one of these guys who blogs all about the trials and tribulations of raising his young kids. He tells anecdotes about the comedic and heartbreaking duties of being a dad.

Bill's eldest of three boys is 6 years old, and he has been spending a lot of time at the home of a new school friend. The parents seem like good people and Bill likes them. My friend Bill, however, (over)worries about his kid like many parents. In particular, he has the deep-seated fear that his little boy is going to find a gun and have a tragic accident.

After speaking with his wife, she prompted him to ask the parents of their boy's new friend whether or not they keep guns in the house.

Bill had a change of heart when driving over. He's not sure he has a right to ask. He wants to ease his own worry about his kid's safety but wonders where his questions stop. Do they have any prescription pills in the house his son might mistakenly eat? How far from their kitchen counter's edge do they keep their kitchen cutlery? Have the other parents they cut all of their blinds strings down to a size that could not strangle a young boy? How much do they drink, because they might may eventually take Bill's son out for a drive to get ice cream and wrap their vehicle around a tree? The possibilities are endless, he concluded.

He asked me (and another group of people) as a gun owner and enthusiast if it was impolite question.

The common response from the mommies gathered around was "You absolutely have the right, no . . . the obligation to ask. You must protect the babies!"

I told Bill, if fear of this issue was going to eat at his mind, he should ask for his own sanity . . . but to do it respectfully.

He asked if the question could be offensive. I told him if he were asking me I would be slightly offended, but understand that his question was more a matter of his fears than any reflection on me. He asked why.

Essentially you are asking the other parents if they maintain an unsafe and unfit place for your child to play. Mind you, they have a child they love every bit as much as you love your own child. You're more holding them in judgment as parents than you are as gun owners. That's where I'd see people being most offended.

I then explained that he was bright to realize all the other dangers in a home and how focusing just on firearms was a bit discriminatory . . . but good people would understand how his mind and sensibilities have been warped by media depictions of guns as evil.

The other mommies said if anyone would be offended by being questioned about guns and parenting, that was their problem. We have a right to know. They talked about how they always disclose to other parents that they don't have guns at their house and the parents should have done this before the first time Bill's son visited their home. One mom talked about how the school sent home a memo encouraging parents to ask.

Bill's own mother, who raised 9 kids was quiet for a good long while. She said she never once thought to ask about guns. She knew some parents were hunters and kept guns. She said parents trusted each other more then.

[This conversation happened about 18 months ago. Within 2 months of asking this question, Bill's son broke his femur playing on a swing set in Bill's backyard that was too close to an unsafe stump. I never said anything to my friend, but I remember thinking he should have worried less about gun accidents and more about making his own backyard safer for his kids.]

[thebearpack]

I'll bet this is something a lot of parents struggle with and I'm sure a lot of accidental deaths could be avoided if guns weren't such a taboo subject to a many people. I say ask if you don't know what their stance is.

That said, here's how I handle it with my 6-year old boy:

1. De-mistify guns by allowing him to handle mine under my supervision any time.

2. Practice the NRA's Eddie Eagle approach: if he sees a gun he's supposed to leave the area immediately and find an adult. Don't touch it and don't stay around it.

3. If I don't know the parents well enough to know whether they own and responsibly handle firearms, my son is not going to be left at their house unsupervised. Obviously I know other gun-owning parents and I know that they keep their weapons stored properly like I do, but if I wasn't sure, he wouldn't be staying there without me.

[GunLawyer001]

They have the same right to ask you this, as you have to get a detailed description of what porn and sex toys they keep in the house. For the children, you know.

Your answer should be, "trust me, we are very safety-conscious and take all appropriate steps to ensure that our kids and guests are safe."

Odd that these soccer moms never think to ask their kids' school principal what he plans to do if the school is ever attacked by armed criminals. It's not like they don't believe that weapons can hurt people, it's just that they focus on disarming everyone who won't fight back, while ignoring the very real threat of armed bad guys. What would they do if a rival gang stormed the school with the intention of killing one of their students? Call the cops, wait 30 minutes, then use the body bags? Oh wait, they "lock down" the schools, which means that nobody can possibly open the glass doors and get in, unless they can somehow obtain a brick or a crowbar.

Their kids are safer in your home where you can actually protect them from bad people, than in their own home where mommy just clicks her heels and says "there's no such thing as evil" three times.

If kids are only safe as long as nobody tries to harm them, then they aren't really safe at all.

[cmr076]

They have the same right to ask you this, as you have to get a detailed description of what porn and sex toys they keep in the house. For the children, you know.

Your answer should be, "trust me, we are very safety-conscious and take all appropriate steps to ensure that our kids and guests are safe."

Odd that these soccer moms never think to ask their kids' school principal what he plans to do if the school is ever attacked by armed criminals. It's not like they don't believe that weapons can hurt people, it's just that they focus on disarming everyone who won't fight back, while ignoring the very real threat of armed bad guys. What would they do if a rival gang stormed the school with the intention of killing one of their students? Call the cops, wait 30 minutes, then use the body bags? Oh wait, they "lock down" the schools, which means that nobody can possibly open the glass doors and get in, unless they can somehow obtain a brick or a crowbar.

Their kids are safer in your home where you can actually protect them from bad people, than in their own home where mommy just clicks her heels and says "there's no such thing as evil" three times.

If kids are only safe as long as nobody tries to harm them, then they aren't really safe at all.

haha you always have the best responses.

[reverserboy]

I would be more concerned about an unprotected.....no fence....no locked steps....no cover....swimming pool. It seems I read about more kids drowning than being shot. It does seem that a gun related fatality makes the front page where a drowning usually dosen't.

1. De-mistify guns by allowing him to handle mine under my supervision any time.

2. Practice the NRA's Eddie Eagle approach: if he sees a gun he's supposed to leave the area immediately and find an adult. Don't touch it and don't stay around it.

Both are good ideas. As for #3....there are so many households with guns...your kids would be kept out a lot of homes.

Without searching the web.....I sort of believe motor vehicle accidents still take the most young lives. IMO....the mommies would be better off asking about driving records & vehicle condition....in addion to asking about any bodies of water.

[Statkowski]

The common response from the mommies gathered around was "You absolutely have the right, no . . . the obligation to ask. You must protect the babies!"

Exactly how does one "protect the babies" if the means to do so is locked away or removed from the environment?

[YosemiteSam]

Exactly how does one "protect the babies" if the means to do so is locked away or removed from the environment?

Being raised on a farm, a unsecured gun would be the least of "mommies" worries.

[cigarmanpa]

how is that any of his business? Is he going to check if my tires are properly inflated or the last time I changed my oil and coolant? How about my smoke detectors?

[Steve_NEPhila]

I am a bit agitated by the "we have the right to ask" mentality. If I was asked such a question I would respond with a question of similar absurdity. Something along the lines of "what is your Amex account number," "have you been tested for herpes," or "Have you been exposed to Hepatitis?"

These people have any right to ask any dumb ass question they see fit. Conversely, you have the right to ignore, ask a counter question, answer or dismiss them with silence. If every parent trained their child about firearms safety it would not matter if every family had a massive mobile made out of candy, full auto AKM's, striker 12 shotguns and Jennings-Bryco .25 ACP pistols. Teach your own child, take responsibility for your own and the rest will have to deal with theirs.

[ungawa]

I would be more concerned about an unprotected.....no fence....no locked steps....no cover....swimming pool. It seems I read about more kids drowning than being shot. It does seem that a gun related fatality makes the front page where a drowning usually dosen't...

...Without searching the web.....I sort of believe motor vehicle accidents still take the most young lives. IMO....the mommies would be better off asking about driving records & vehicle condition....in addion to asking about any bodies of water.

For actual lethal accidents with firearms the number is extremely low, somewhere between 10 and 200 a year nationwide, normally towards the lower end. At least it was when I checked with CDC during the first half of the 2000s. CDC did not track any other type of accidental death with statistics that low back then - only firearms. And back then it included "children" through the age of 25. Of course, more are probably accidentally injured or shot in criminal activity.