That did not sound the way I meant it to sound.

[Qtrborecrazy]

Any funny stories work.

Ever attend a bachelor party with a priest? The only one that got a proposition by a hooker was father Joey.

[BobGun]

When I was in school many years ago. The Rolling Stones had a album call Hot Rocks. Well I went into the local store and there was a really good looking girl behind the counter and what did I ask her? I asked her if she had a Hot Box. Well her boyfriend wanted to beat me up.

[Statkowski]

Was in the car and my mother was driving me somewhere. I was just out of the Army (2 years overseas in Korea).

Mother: So how's work been going?
Me (after chuckling):Oh, it's All Fucked Up.

My mother continues talking, not missing a beat while I sat there realizing what the hell I just said to my mom!

Just back from a tour in Vietnam. My sister's two year old kid was running all over the place. If you know two year olds, they repeat everything they hear. I didn't speak for a month.

[gghbi]

Just back from a tour in Vietnam. My sister's two year old kid was running all over the place. If you know two year olds, they repeat everything they hear. I didn't speak for a month.

Absolutely true! My wife (then girl friend) had surgery done on her shoulder and was given a shot to block the nerves in her arm. After surgery we were at an event when here two year old nephew was present. She made the statement that her arm felt like 'dead meat' because the block had not worn off. Well the two year old took that and ran with it for the next several hours his aunt's 'dead meat' was his item of fascination.

[Metz]

Well, 99.9% of my "slips" are intentional. Many of them premeditated well in advance.

[EZ3]

Just back from a tour in Vietnam. My sister's two year old kid was running all over the place. If you know two year olds, they repeat everything they hear. I didn't speak for a month.

Wish I had been so wise. My younger daughter loved to "help Daddy" work on the car. She must have been two or three, sitting in the back seat while I was working up front. Completely forgot she was there, and when I messed something up I said "Damn it, Damn it, DAMN IT!" Ooops!

A week or so later the wife had the new pastor and his wife over for dinner. We were discussing my latest misadventure, when my daughter helpfully added, "And that's when Daddy said, 'Damn it, Damn it, DAMN IT!' "

[dk99358]

A male coworker had a package that needed to go in the mail. He had mentioned it to our female secretary. Later on, I was in her office when she said 'I think I will go ask Joel how big his package is."

Dale

[SevenMilePete]

Did you ever say something, and the second you say it you think. "That did not sound the way I meant it to sound?"

The other night we were waiting for food at Booth’s Corner and a buddy whose last name is Johnson called. I answered and about 2 seconds later his brother and brothers wife who had been walking around Booths Corner saw me and stepped up to say hi. I looked at them and said, "I’m talking to your brother, I’ feel like I am surrounded by Johnson’s". The second the word escaped my mouth I was like “ shit, that did not sound right"

Anyone got some good verbal slip ups to share?

I joked with one of the cute secretaries from a little town near Pittsburgh that Belle Vernon was so small that it only had one light in town, and it was red. She turned quickly, walked away, and never spoke to me again. I guess I should have said traffic light, or maybe nothing at all.

[xflyboy]

Last night at the dinner table a friend asked me to log on to USPS so she could see where her box was.

[mpan72]

Well, 99.9% of my "slips" are intentional. Many of them premeditated well in advance.

Me as well.
I think I am witty, probably lame but i keep at it.