Time to "man up" when wives say "no" to guns

[Guns4Fun]

This is all well and good provided both people have agreed to this beforehand. If they haven't, then it is trouble brewing. Everything we have had in our marriage is ours. There is no real hers and no real mine beyond a few possessions. There is also money we receive for gifts and such that is either hers or mine. But on the whole, everything is ours, and that principle has seen us through both the hard times and the good times. The problem with my money and her money is that if there is a disagreement on something that needs spending, then trouble starts, and it usually does not end well.

When it is gift money, my wife cares not a whit how I spend it. And the same goes for me when it is her money to spend. But the money I make, and the money she makes all goes into the common fund, and from there we make our decisions together. It is not an issue of "am I allowed", or vice versa, it is an issue of consideration for the family and for one another. Unfortunately, there are not enough ways to phrase that to get some people to understand that. And I am not speaking of you!

Okay, I let a little Bible stuff slip in here, but I think it needed said. Feel free to disagree. Someone always does.

I agree with this - it is essential that the details be worked out before hand. Especially if one person made 90k a year and the other made 30k. It would not be fair to split the household expenses equally.

I don't think that it much matters who's money it is, when there is a disagreement on money that needs spending - even if it were common monies, if a disagreement ensued, there will be trouble. Money is probably one of the top 3 reasons people divorce.

Even in my circumstance, there were times that on agreement, my ex would stay home with the kids or only work part time. When this happened, all my money went into the household fund and we did discuss how money would be spent if it wasn't an actual need item.

I don't know though, I’m still a firm believer that some monies needs to be kept separate. I think its degrading that i would expect my wife to ask my permission every time she wanted to go out and splurge on a new outfit or new shoes or new whatever. I understand the courtesy thing but really, if we have enough money in the bank to pay the bills, i don't want her asking every time she wants to spend $100. It wasn't like she ever would abuse it so honestly, i didn't care. Now, if she were spending $100 every other day and using money out of the family fund - then that would be a problem. So, open communication is really the key to success in every marriage. It’s when you stop talking and / or listening to each other that things start to go down hill.

[Sandcut]

Well, Pennsy, I'm gonna agree with you in a manner that appears to maybe not agree with you.

Some of you may have read some of my previous posts about my relationship with my wife. Rock solid. And it's that way out of deep respect for one another and a whole lot of work. But, that doesn't mean we see eye to eye on everything. Guns being one of them. That comes from different upbringing.

The story in the OP had one really good line:

That being said, here's the disclaimer in all this. Sometimes a wife's objection is not based on her fear of guns, but on a fear of the general historical actions of her husband. If a man has not been someone his wife can trust, has historically caused grief for his family through foolishness or immorality, then her fear may be well founded based on the man, not the gun.

I believe that this can work in the exact opposite manner than that which is stated. I'll explain.

I believe that, provided that his past judgement and behavior has been rock solid and unwavering, a wife's trust in her husband can serve to overcome her extreme dislike and fear of firearms. I believe such is the case with my wife.

Now I'm a nonbeliever. My wife a Catholic. We generally get along without conflict despite the opposing belief systems. However, and I've made myself clear to her on this many times. I don't view this, as in the OP, that my authority comes down from God to me as the head of the household. I look at it from a more biological perspective. As a monogamous, male mammal, my role in life, no.....my biological imperative, is to protect my mate and my offspring. Even if it means my own undoing. That's my function.

As such, asking me to not do that is like asking me to not breathe or to not see in color or to not be warm blooded. It's how I'm hard wired. The conversation only came up once and it wasn't open for discussion. I informed her that my job is to fix or destroy that which threatens her and the girls. By taking the position that she had, she was endangering all that which it was my job to protect. Thereby becoming both that which I needed to fix/destroy and that which I needed to protect. And that just wasn't fair.

So, despite her irrational fear of guns, her love, respect and trust in me has eventually allowed her to relax around firearms to the point that she doesn't object to my carrying a firearm for protection. Moreover, I actually got her to shoot the girls' .22 Crickett last night in the back yard.

So, although I may disagree w/ the genesis (small "G") for the central argument of the OP, I agree with the basic premise.

Some may consider it to be sexist. I, on the other hand do not. There is nothing wrong with men being, well......masculine.

And some day I hope to buy you a beer and we can discuss whether or not my "biological imperative" may be your God.

[Philbert]

sorry. I'm only go by what she is telling me about being a methodist.



I used that one too. She believes that it says kill. so she believes that killing anyone be they murderous theive or rapist isn't right. I don't know how I can be any clearer. I'm currently biding my time waiting for a good chance to press the issue again. I think I have an opportunity. I have a friend (who is a strong christian) that is going to be a cop soon. I'd like to know what she has to say about him possibly shooting someone :-)

I find this often helps people think about the moral issue more clearly. Most people will dial 911 to have someone protect them with a gun. But they don't make the connection between doing that and using a gun oneself.

If you're going to do pacifism you have to go the whole way like the Quakers or the Amish. Anything else is just hypocrisy.

[Philbert]

Now I'm a nonbeliever. My wife a Catholic. We generally get along without conflict despite the opposing belief systems. However, and I've made myself clear to her on this many times. I don't view this, as in the OP, that my authority comes down from God to me as the head of the household. I look at it from a more biological perspective. As a monogamous, male mammal, my role in life, no.....my biological imperative, is to protect my mate and my offspring. Even if it means my own undoing. That's my function.

I'm glad you and your wife have come to an understanding. I'm not sure your biological imperative holds up as a replacement for the Biblical appeal to male superiority*. I agree with the basis of the imperative, it's just that we have so many biological imperatives and not all of them are good. Of those that are good, there is the question of how we translate them into action.

I think that your explanation does make it easier to understand why protecting your family is important. But ultimately, a good explanation is only useful if your wife has empathy and tolerance, which is really what you need from both partners to make a marriage work for both partners, whatever religion or accounting system you have in place.

* Before anyone decries my "anti-Christian bigotry", I say this without malice to Christians or indeed to the New Testament, which was quite progressive for the time and place that it was written. There is much to be admired in its forward thinking of gender relations, but I can't agree that it advocates full sexual equality.

[Helter]

If you're going to do pacifism you have to go the whole way like the Quakers or the Amish. Anything else is just hypocrisy.

I really like it when people put words to things that I only registered conceptually.
Same thing for people who eat meat but don't like the idea of hunting.

[granuale]

The bible is all about women doing as they are told. If your wife is a christian and not doing so, she is placing her immortal soul in danger! Christianity is as almost all organized religion is, a pretty shitty deal for women, but if she wants to call herself a believer then hold her to it.


Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

1 Peter 3:1
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.


Woman is the ****** of the world
Think about it...do something about it - John Lennon

[King 5.45]

I don't have any problems whatsoever with you guys discussing this within the framework of Christianity, but I'm thinking that a place like this one might be better suited, especially to the exposition of a fresh set of ideas from folks that you may not have crossed keyboards with yet. They have a large, large Christian component there.

My own take on things, scriptural support notwithstanding, is that you need to approach the firearms issue from a rational standpoint, especially broaching the idea. If you're paired with an appropriate person, there shouldn't be much to the discussion, except for agreeing to store things safely and politely thrashing out how it is that you're going to handle larger purchases. If you aren't paired well, there may be an awful lot of teeth-gnashing that goes on, and perhaps even an evening or two chez La-Z-Boy. In extreme cases, it's over right then and there, all except for the paperwork.

[4XLT]

as far as the OP and a few original comments. i'm going to agree with Mr. PLinker on many of his thoughts.. a married couple is just that, a couple.. it takes two, having been married, Divorced now, i can say to make it work for 1 year or 50 is respect... mutual respect people, communication is a close 2nd lol

i dont really think religion needs to be brought into the descussion to the extent it has been.. i "respect" everyones religious beliefs its what makes this country what it is..

Mr Plinker sir i owe you rep when i have a chance sir..

[granuale]

i dont really think religion needs to be brought into the descussion to the extent it has been.. i "respect" everyones religious beliefs its what makes this country what it is..

Should we respect other beliefs people have that are wrong, crazy, or dangerous or just religious ones? If you believed the earth was flat, that the holocaust never happened, or vaccines caused autism, I wouldn't respect those beliefs. Why without criticism should I respect the belief that a man was magically conceived, or god wants me to cut the tip off my son's penis, or Jews are greedy?

[Robert Kayland]

Why without criticism should I respect the belief that a man was magically conceived, or god wants me to cut the tip off my son's penis, or Jews are greedy?

a) Yet those who don't believe in God would have it that, not merely a man, but indeed, the entire universe was "magically conceived"... when in the beginning there was nothing... and then it exploded.

b) There were probably very good hygienic reasons for that initial OT covenant... not forgetting the bald avenger's aesthetic appeal over his hooded cousins... which has helped perpetuate said practice that is with us even to these not-so-God-fearing times.

c) Stereotypes don't arise in a vacuum... and I notice many ethnic groups aren't slow to latch onto and themselves perpetuate those which are flattering.