Re: The 86 rules of drinking
excellent list, all true.
Re: The 86 rules of drinking
you forgot #87
87. You dont consider yourself an Alcoholic because Alcoholics go to meetings.
Re: The 86 rules of drinking
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
You bet. I've made many friends that way. But they really like me for who I am on the inside.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
Not true! Borrow as many as they will give you. They won't remember anyhow.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
I don't care if Scott Peterson bought me a drink then asked me out Christmas fishing, I'm still taking the free drink. But I'm not putting out.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
Yep. Probably. Or she's a slut.
20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
Ask my friend Brett about ordering Jolly Ranchers at the bar.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
I've had some of the best conversations of my life drunk in the bathroom of a bar...with complete strangers. Weird how that works.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
Be generous. Bartenders and waitresses have to put up with your drunk ass all night.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
But make it good beer. But it's okay to buy them shitty beer if they are a shitty friend.
32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
And if you take too much, then refill it with water. They'll never know.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
"Hurts so good" mean anything to you?
45. It's okay to drink alone.
Because for some people, it really is drinking with all their friends.
49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
I don't understand this one. Who doesn't finish a shot? Hell, I've done whole jiggers by myself.
51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
Apparently I do this all the time. One night I played half a dozen Fall Out Boy songs in a row and had a hockey player threaten to kill me. My bad.
56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
Unless you show them your tits.
61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
Or you will get kicked out of the bar. Also has happened to me.
71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
And when I'm really lucky, they find me before my parents report me missing.
75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
But in the end, they all make you drunk.
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
You'd be impressed with how many drinks I can carry at once. But to see it, you'll have to buy them for me.
82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
What do you think homecoming weekend is for? Studying?
83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
...Because you're drunk and can't tell time anymore.
85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
Yep. A drink means something.
Re: The 86 rules of drinking
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
I've had 3 in each hand before - and they were all mine :eek:
81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
81a. Vodka is also the best way to wake up feeling like complete crap and not remember a damn thing about the night before.
Re: The 86 rules of drinking
86 rules?
i'll just continue not doing it.
where's the one reguarding driving while drunk?
Re: The 86 rules of drinking
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JayBell
you forgot #87
87. You dont consider yourself an Alcoholic because Alcoholics go to meetings.
Now, thats just funny.
ROTFLMAO!
Re: The 86 rules of drinking
Quote:
Originally Posted by
brian
where's the one reguarding driving while drunk?
Of course you can drive while drunk- you can do EVERYTHING better when you are drunk! You are also smarter, better looking, and more desirable to the opposite sex.
...then you wake up in a holding cell next to a man who weighs 400 lbs and licks his lips when you use the public urinal.