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Do you think a .38 is puny? Or do you think a .38 is a good choice for a woman?
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A .38 is better than just pepper spray OR better than a small .22 or .25. I'm just not a .38 fan. If a .38 is the most gun you can shoot well,stick with it. Whatever you use for defense you need to be able to hit with it & be able to do follow up shots. One shot stops happen more on TV than in real life.
A .357 in a similar sized gun will hit with more energy & have better penetration & more reliable expansion. To get good velocity out of the short barrel don't look to the big mainstream ammo makers. Some of the best .357 loads are from Buffalobore & Double tap. Such a weapon will not be overly fun to shoot.
As far as auto pistols.....There are small 9mm & .40 cal guns that will carry well. For a little more size & weight you can get a carryable .45 like a Glock 30. Once again the 2 above mentioned ammo companies have some great loads for the calibers discussed. I really like Doubletap's offerings in .45 & 10mm & they had some interesting stuff in 9mm & .40.
Some people like Corbon......I'm not overly impressed with their stuff.
The holster you choose will be very important. Avoid junk holsters. If you go with belt carry you'll need a good quality belt.